Tuesday, February 28, 2006

King Cake For Everyone!

Was glad to see that Mardi Gras was in full swing in New Orleans. I got a text message from 'MR. New Orleans' to let me know that Anderson Cooper had just thrown him some beads. I guess Anderson took some time off from his liberal media whoring ( and Katrina blame gaming) to participate. That's ok, he's still my silver daddy hot man. Kel De Texas and I were busy celebrating our recent career moves at several local bars. Of course if you know either us you probably got a harassing phone call (or 2) to come join.. Sorry guys.

Monday, February 27, 2006

It Aint Braggin' If It's True....

Nowhere is politicking more alive and well than in right here in the Republic of Texas. Every election cycle I am amazed at the cast of characters who decide to throw their hat in the ring and expose their crazy lifestyles to the general public in pursuit of public office. This year is no different.

Theres the "Keep Austin wired" poster Child Kinky Friedman, who's running on an anti-big Texas money, special interest, "Why The Hell Not" campaign. Education, healthcare and Renewable energy are his core issues. He's hoping those will keep people occupied enough to look past the fact that for the last 30 years he has been living a rock and roll, smoke everything that's not nailed to the floor, boozing lifestyle. A lifestyle far from what any intelligent human being would consider mainstream and socially responsible. The kinky petitioners came to my door the other night and I gladly signed it. He's as eager to debate the current governor as I am to see it happen front row center.

Then there's the gay, ex-male prostitute, born again Christian turned Mary Kay cosmetics Salesman (quadruple whammy), Tom Malin (AKA Todd Sharpe), who's running as a democrat for the State Senate in Dallas. Ill have to give him some credit, he realizes there are too many naked photos and "performance reviews" floating around out there for him to avoid talking about his ILLEGAL, DEMORALIZING, pitiful past. So he attacks it up front with loads of apologizing, some hail marys, and of course a praise Jesus halleleuiah amen thrown in for effect. If he thinks the 5th generation Texan, Highland Park junior Leaguers are going to forget that he was pulling down $600 an hour to take care of their husbands "needs" while they were away for the weekend with the girls, he's probably got another thing coming. Im not sure which was worse, male prostilatizing or driving one of Mary Kay pink Cadillac's, atleast he's good looking.

From the "republican midget" who ran for mayor in Houston to the transvestite homeless crossdresser, "Leslie", who ran for the same office here in austin, Texans really seem to come out of the woodwork around election time. Sure, this isn't the first time crazy people have run for political office in this country, but this is Texas; The ye-haw'lin, "you aint right", hang em high capital of the US. Hats off to these people for putting themselves out there despite the imminent asskicking they've got comin' their way. God I love this state!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Safety First!

I saw the strangest thing today on my o-dark-thirty flight to Denver. I man 3 rows up from me put on a shiny bike-like helmet right before we took off and then removed it after we were airborne. I swear to you I was the only one on the plane who even took notice, Like everyone but me has seen that before, they just sat there. I on the other hand unbuckled my seat belt during takeoff and sat up to catch a glimpse. He was a normal looking businessman in dress slacks and a coat. He did not appear to be retarded, even with the shiny helmet on his head. I honestly think he was anticipating a horrendous crash during take-off and decided to come prepared. Guess you cant blame a guy for taking his personal safety into his own hands. I really didn't want to be the one to tell him that a helmet probably wont provide sufficient protection in a 300+ mph plane crash. People disintegrate during those events.

This brings me to a point. You can tell SO MUCh about a planes final destination by the people waiting in line for boarding. Mulletts, big johnson T-Shirts, fanny packs and blue jean shorts, more often than not, indicate a direct flight to the fine state of Florida. Namely Ft. Lauderdale or Daytona. Man-bags, smart glasses and well tailored black wool overcoats can indicate a stop in New York or Boston. Berkenstocks, wool socks, hemp backpacks (and evidentially silver helmets) mean your headed mile high to Denver.

Im now back at the airport waiting on my flight to Austin. There's not really one particular demographic here in the boarding area. Mostly ski-trippers on their way back home. I do see one hippie-hold-out guy in a "Keep Austin Weird" T-Shirt though. Im glad to see someone's single handedly keeping Austin tradition alive and well.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Bathroom Confessional

I just realized something about myself. Im a urinal conversationalist. Meaning I have no qualms whatsoever about starting conversation with a neighbor in an adjoining urinal. I just did this in the bathroom here in my office. The poor guy truly looked like a deer caught in headlights, he was appalled that I would notice and speak to him. Doesn’t he realize (1.) We know each other and (2.) Were standing 3 inches from each other? I think he peed on his leg. Im sure he’s still trying to work though the situation in his head, trying to make it all right somehow. “im not gay, im not gay, im not gay”……

American men are so fucking uptight when it comes to interacting with other men. One of my personal faves, the “uber-masculine, shoulder to shoulder, clinched fist, pat on the back hug”. This was clearly adopted from a bad MTV Cribs episode. It is the most self-conscious, fear-of-intimacy based action I’ve ever witnessed. Men have somehow justified to themselves that the side-to-side shoulder touch is not “gay” like a normal hug is. Damn, now the gay recruitment committee will have to come up with other ways to “convert” people. I’ll send a memo to corporate out in San Francisco.

I shouldn’t complain too much, at least guys have left the “high –five” behind. How sad was that? Of course there was the hand slap slide into a finger snap motion of the late 90’s. It’s finally died its slow death. Ultimately it’s good that we’ve evolved from simple limb contact to full body-to-body contact even if it is ridiculously choreographed.

This is why I love Europeans. When you’re there you’ll see men kissing each other on the cheek, and sometimes even on the lips. They embrace and hug too. It means NOTHING. Everyone around them knows it means NOTHING. Go to Italy and even the restaurant owners and hotel staff will hug and kiss you on your cheek (sometimes both cheeks). It’s a term of endearment, not a homo pick-up technique. Besides, even if it was, are the people who know you going to suddenly forget who you are and suspect that you have drunken the queer kool-aid? If that’s the case then, believe me, they’ve thought it before and you probably are gay.

Im fascinated by Americans issues with gender interaction. We have been programmed to act a certain way, talk a certain way and interact with each other based on our gender assignment. This is why Americans are typically intolerant of anyone that’s different from them. I’ve noticed that this fear of emasculation can be geographically dependant. My friends from larger northern cities are much more comfortable with the male hug than my friends from the south. Straight guys from California will hug and kiss ya (and even ask you back to their place) while guys in Dallas will only give you a hat tip. It’s all over the board. How do we keep all of this straight? Im getting a headache.

For me, Im definitely a urinal talker AND a hugger. I don’t typically kiss guys (who aren’t gay) but im open for debate on that. All-in-all Americans need to lighten up, stop being so self-conscious and try to live life as human beings not strictlly as a gender divided.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

...I now pronounce you...miserable.

So I have this big La-Ti-Da black tie wedding back home in NC coming up in a few months. It’s about that time that I kick my commitment level up a notch by making travel arrangements and finding a date. I’m still not sure whether I’ll go or not. I have a love-hate relationship with weddings. For me, weddings can be a 5-hour, in-your-face display of everything I can’t have.


  1. A Wedding, with a preacher who doesn’t double as a Shamen or lesbian high holy priestess.
  2. A Family that isn’t relegated to living a fishbowl in “that house” on the corner.
  3. A date that doesn’t have to overcompensate with his personality or comedic timing.
  4. Well intentioned guests who are genuinely happy for the couple and who don’t have to check their moral and/or religions beliefs at the door.
  5. A lifetime of normalcy.

For a long time, I avoided going to weddings because they prompted all sorts of uncomfortable questions about my personal life. When you’re not at the point where you’re 100% comfortable in your own skin, you don’t elect yourself into situations where questions get fired at you in rapid succession. Now that im older, wiser and generally don’t give-a-damn, I have no problems fielding questions from wedding audiences.

Questions like “When are you going to get married?” Now get answered this way:
“ Well, when the State I reside in starts treating me like a human being and gives me the legal right to marry another man and enjoy the same benefits married heterosexual couples enjoy”.

That usually shuts them down pretty quick.

On that topic, I’m not really sure how I feel about gay marriage. If I thought the gay men could, for one second, respect the sanctity of marriage, I might sign on to the concept. Unfortunately, we continue to revel in our hedonistic, no strings lifestyles. We all want the ‘benefits’ of marriage, but not the responsibilities or commitments. Gay men are entirely too selfish to suffer in silent desperation like our straight male married counterparts. I have had multiple conversations with my Str8 friends about the level of misery they are experiencing in their marriages. Im not at all surprised to hear about the lies and infidelities they are participating in to offset their bad situations.

Gays wouldn’t stand for that for one second. We enter and exit out of relationships with the speed of a Harry Winston platinum bullet. We all spent too much time early in our lives chained to situations we had no control over to ever self-select ourselves into a circumstance that’s similarly stifling. I applaud the gay couples I know who have made long term commitments but I also recognize the incredible odds they are fighting against. The concept of an “open relationship” often comes into play somewhere, which just throws all legitimacy out the window in my opinion.

I’ll probably go to the wedding after all. Im sure I can scrounge up a date somewhere. It wont be another guy though. That’s front-page material in my small town and frankly im not in good enough shape for that kind of exposure right now. I may call on one of my fabulous , Lilly Pulitzer, stand-in, show-your-momma girlfriends from Palm Beach. Their level of sophistication and intrigue will be just as out-of-place as any boyfriend would be. Mission accomplished.

Monday, February 20, 2006


I’d like to take this opportunity to express my disgust for Frontier Airlines and heres why:
  1. Jason has a business meeting in Denver today
  2. Jason gets up at 4:30am to make the 6:30 am flight
  3. Jason arrives at the Frontier ticket counter at 5:41am.
  4. Jason waits in line at the ticket counter
  5. Jason notices the Frontier ticket agent is in a very bad mood
  6. Jason hears the Frontier ticket agent say “The 6:30 flight is closed”
  7. Jason alarmingly makes his way up to the counter and inquires
  8. Jason is told that all Frontier flights “close” 30 mins prior to departure
  9. Jason explains that he (and others) were at the ticket counter well before the 30 minute hard stop and therefore should be allowed to check-in.
  10. Jason is told that he “should have been there at 4am like other passengers” so this wouldn’t have happened.
  11. Jason asks to speak to the manager on duty
  12. Jason is told that he is speaking to the manager on duty
  13. Jason hears the manager pick up the phone a say the Denver flight is now delayed 45 minutes.
  14. Jason says “good, ok so I can check in now”
    Jason is told, “NO, you were late.
  15. Jason Says but the flight is delayed now, so there’s extra time.
  16. Jason is told NO repeatedly and finally dismissed by the ticket agent.
  17. Jason walks back to his car
  18. Jason drives home at 6:30 am and falls back to sleep
  19. Jason gets to do this all over again on Thursday

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Hey, I'm E-Speaking to you!!

I’m souring a new technology at work to help fix a massive “how could this have happened” hole in our Marketing cycle. I had a series of conference calls on Friday with some perspective vendors and one in particular really caught my attention. The sales girl, Ali, clearly a product of the internet generation, used the term “thought capital” like 8 times during her preso. For those of you who have no idea what this means, I’ll define it for you here:

Thought Capital: A completely made-up web economy term used to describe a companies collective experience and expertise in a certain subject.

The first few times I heard her say it, I let it go; but as she continually used it, I began to realize that she wanted to emphasize that her company clearly the stood out because of the impressive “thought capital” they could bring to the table. Naturally, I’m thinking… When did a company’s ability to provide its clients with the most comprehensive service based on years of experience and expertise become a value proposition worthy of multiple mentions during the sales pitch? Haven’t we always relied on companies to provide that level of service? Are there companies out there that don’t invest in “thought capital”, and if so, are their services cheaper? I need to know these things.

You hear all sorts of talk about the “new economy” often called the “web economy”. It’s been my observation that it’s the same economy we’ve always had, with the exception of 2 things. 1. The Internet. 2. Ridiculous, terminology that confuses everyone within earshot.

So if you’ve got an important, “impress the boss” presentation coming up I strongly urge you to visit THIS SITE. You’ll certainly be invited for cigars and cognac after you explain the benefits of incubating best-of-breed infomediaries in an effort to further monetize the company’s current revenue streams. Now thats an action item I strongly suggest you envisioneer.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Sleepless in Jacksonville

I had a great conversation with a Friend in Florida last night that lead to an interesting discussion. She has taken on a “project” that once completed, I am convinced will be some of her life's best work. Lisa has taken on the task of finding her colleague (a young, recently divorced, consummate southern gentleman) a new wife. She knew to immediately call me. I, too, was raised in the south by a mother who appreciated the eloquent, debonair, mannerisms that people associate with “southern gentlemen”. I yes mamm’ed and no sir’ed my way into the hearts of many people, so I speak from experience. I have had many conversations about this very topic with straight guy friends of mine who have asked me for advice on meeting good southern girls. In response to these requests, I have put together a top level list of must do’s. Hopefully these will help you find that Southern belle in waiting:

  • DON’T date girls from above the Mason-Dixon Line. The culture shock with cause your relationship to eventually implode.
  • Date School Teachers, not Hairstylists, Secretaries or Tanning Bed Operators.
  • Baptists can only marry Presbyterians and Methodists. And vice versa.
  • Wear a bowtie to church. You’ll command a lot of respect.
  • Know the difference between a real Beauty Queen and a mall Glamour Shot princess.
  • Always see your date without hair and makeup before you commit to anything long-term.
  • Only own a pet that weighs over 50 lbs. Preferably a chocolate or black lab; they make the best Christmas cards.
  • Join the Kiwanis or Rotary Club. NOT the Masons, Shriners or Knights of Columbus. They’re freaky and the Junior League doesn’t do mixers with them.
  • Vacation in Hilton head or Asheville, not Myrtle Beach or Gatlinburg.
  • Win her mother over first, her father will follow suit. If her parents are divorced, make sure the cause didn’t involve a ‘live boy or a dead girl’.
  • And finally, Get Laid Properly. I mean like black prostitute, No Tell Motel, ruin-your-political-career kinda sex. Get it out of your system!

As always my posts come with a disclaimer: I am not to be held responsible if you do follow my suggestions and still end up with a drunken, crispy-banged, camaro-driving, acid-washed, redneck woman who ruins your life and then exposes it all for $150.00 and a free trip to Chicago to be on the Jerry Springer Show.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Is it just me or does....

Ok, so im a Project Runway Junkie (PWJ). You wouldn’t believe how many times it comes up in everyday conversation where I will find other closet PWJ’s dying to discuss the show. I was in Washington DC a few weeks ago at a stuffy business dinner and ended up having a 2 hour conversation about it with everyone at the table. The best are the married guys whose wives command the television on Wednesday nights and force them to watch it. They will initially just listen to the conversation then gradually start contributing, and by the end they have all out declared their love for Daniel V’s work (and if im lucky they may even throw a snap into the mix at some point as well.) Project Runway appeals to everyone because I think 99% of the population completely underestimates the time attention, creativity and work that’s involved in putting together a piece of clothing. Im gay, and by birthright a fashion enthusiast, and even I had no idea what all was involved. So I can imagine the heteros being completely blown away by it all. I also enjoy seeing Heidi Klum in her various stages of pregnancy. She’s go to be the most beautiful pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. No ‘cankles’, stretch marks or double chins here! Of course there’s always the drama that ensues when 5 or more gay men are put into a competitive situation. Claws out, ratings soar. CBS, take note.

Like everyone, im disgusted by everything that is Santino Rice. His designs are grotesquely over done and his personality is flat and uninteresting. He does score a few points with me every time he imitates Tim Gunn, the stiff-as-a-board design consultant who consistently pokes holes in the contestant’s designs and egos. But other than that, he’s just gross and egotistical.

So im raising my glass to Daniel V. Not only do I like his style, I think it’s imperative that he carry on the long-standing homo-designer-extraordinaire tradition and show the world that gay men are the most creative, tasteful, design conscious people on the planet. Not that Im biased or anything…

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Friends in Low Places.

Ok, so my sisters middle school boyfriend, Bucky Covington, is a contestant on American Idol. I about fell out of my chair when I heard his name tonight. I immediatly called her and confirmed. Of course she's mortified. He and his identical twin brother, Rocky, used to be cute well adjusted kids. Clearly years of living in North Carolina have taken their toll as he is now a mechanic and looks and sounds like a drunk Alan Jackson impersonator. By the grace of god he's made it to the top 24 so we can all expect to see a whopping weekly dose of whisky tango, North Carolina style, courtesy of Bucky Covington.

.....But Wait. This isn't the first time someone from our small, one horse, hometown has hit reality television. Miss Gina Marie Callahan charmed her way onto the last "The Bachelor" installment. Gina made us all proud with her completley incoherrent southern drawl and excessive potty mouthing. She is now and always was a real charmer. Yee Haw Yall!

A Community of Dunces

I just sat through the most agonizing meeting here at work. I witnessed 6 adults sit in a room for 2.5 hours and make a decision that should have taken 30 minutes to make at the very most. I am consistently amazed at the blatant lack of business acumen in this company and even more surprised to see it come from the CEO, Exec. VP. and CTO. How they ever made a dollar is beyond me.

The knowledge gap here is not confined to new ideas/technology; it also covers the basic business principals that all business owners/managers should know and understand. I actually have more faith in the motley crew that runs the back-end technology side of this company than the A-Level executives I work with.

As usual, I offer solutions. I start my new gig on March 15th and obviously that’s not soon enough. Not to worry though, I hosted my own question and answer session with the management team during my interviewing process. I know for a fact these people make sound business decisions in an efficient manner. I know I wont witness the CEO actually using the word “aint” and flashing his forearm tattoo for the world to see.

Entrepreneurial, start-upy companies are always full of colorful characters. Hell, I’m probably colorful to other people here. But I think this is my swan song though. No more ping-pong tables that double as a conference room, 3:00 Beer Fridays, iTunes servers, dartboards, breakfast tacos or company sponsored massages. It’s back to work.

With bigger paychecks comes real accountability and I’m ready for both!

The iPodization of American Society.

I would like to know when the ipod migrated from being a useful music delivery appliance to a must have, must-wear-at-all-times (even if inappropriate) accessory de jouir? I cant go anywhere anymore without seeing those “stylish”, “look at me” earphones plugged into peoples ears. The mall, at work, on the street, the grocery store, the bank, even in the car. I’m not sure when Americans decided that it is absolutely impossible for them to live their lives without a constant stream of music being blasting in their ears. This is clearly a brand-generated fad that’s gone horribly wrong. There are multiple MP3 devices on the market and I NEVER see any of those being used inappropriately in public. I only see the ipods. Apple has created a culture of music-addicted zombies. I think there’s a screenplay in this somewhere.

MP3 players have been on the market since the 90’s. I had one in 99 that was actually smaller than the ipod itself. It didn’t hold nearly as many songs (maybe 3 hours), but I knew that I would never use it more than a couple of hours because that’s just how these devices are meant to be used. They aren’t meant to provide the soundtrack to your life all day long, everywhere you go. If I were a parent of a high school age kid, I would STRONGLY suggest that you prod your youngster into becoming an ENT physician. Because given state of ipod fanaticism, there are going to be a lot of people with chronic hearing loss in about 10 years.

Of course I have an ipod. I’m a sucker for em. But I only use it when I’m on airplanes and when I’m running. That’s it. The next time I see a 20-something with the ipod earphones on in the grocery store, I’m going to dump a bunch of embarrassing items in their cart when they’re not looking. They’ll be completely oblivious to it.

Big Picture: Between email, cell phones, PDA and ipods, we have all managed to completely cut ourselves off from the outside world. It’s ironic that that undertone of the ipod branding initiative is “individualism”. We are all becoming so “individualized” that we’re forgetting the importance of belonging to and interacting with a group. So don’t be surprised when you find some extra large adult diapers in your shopping cart next time you decide to jam out in the grocery store. It’ll be my calling card.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Oh La La...

I just came home for lunch and recieved a single red tulip from an annomous sender. There was a note attached that said... "Class for Class". The true 'Sex in the City' fans will know that the sexually liberated (whore) character, Samantha Jones, recieved a similar note in one episode. Im still deciding whether or not this is a joke or something I should feel good about. Im pretty sure I know who sent it, as only a handfull of people know my address. No matter what the intention, I've already convinced myself that my "very important, jet-setting italian/swedish boyfriend" sent it to me from Sumatra, where he's on holiday with his mother for two weeks.

It's amazing what the mind can do.....

Happy Valentines Day!

What Could it Be?

I'm keeping a secret that's killing me. I have come to the conclusion that it's much easier not to tell anyone about it until it actually happens rather than blurt it out and potentially disrupt the cosmic line-up im convinced that's required to bring it to fruition. Right now the probability meter is at about 85%. It's pretty big, atleast for me. It will effect my fiends and family in a good way (I think). There are things about it that are beneficial to everyone I know actually. It also comes with some risk which is scary. Clearly i've never backed down from a challenge, and I don't plan on starting to now.

I've learned that people in general fall into 2 categories. Risk takers and Non-risk takers. While there are things about my personality that put me in both groups, I think most who know me would agree that I tend to throw my hat into the ring even when the risks are high. Being single again (and older) has renewed my sense of adventure and IM finding that IM actually looking for exciting opportunities more than ever before.

It kinda sucks being a risk taker too. You are consistently driven to try new things which can completely erase your foundation. There are things about feeling grounded that are comforting. Familiarity, relationships come easier, social benefits, etc... But on the flip side, I know too many people who consistently complain to me about their "shitty" same-ol existences. The benefits of Grabbing life by the horns and trying new things are far reaching and I strongly recommend it to you homebodys who are suffering in silent desperation.

Peoples lives are different today than they were 20 years ago. Advancements in technology, travel and media have given us the ability to to see, experience and do more than ever before. Dynamic experiences are being delivered into our homes through enhanced television technology, internet and new media. I think this has positively affected peoples willingess to step outside of their comfort zones and try new things. We can perform all sorts of real-time due diligence before jumping off the diving board. This helps us all more comfortably step into the unknown.

Onward and Ever On!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Canadian Bacon.

So I’m currently the Marketing Director for a multinational corporation that builds backend software for variety of products. While it sounds impressive, it's really not. I ended my fast track Agency career and joined this company for several reasons. Here are my top 5.

(1) Smaller, entrepreneurial environment. (Big fish, small pond)
(2) Ability to focus on one core product or idea. (Pro-A.D.D.)
(3) Tired of the consistent Agency finger pointing and blame gaming. (Pot meet kettle)
(4) Opportunity to effect organizational change in a big way very quickly. (Look mom, I’m a Do-Gooder)
(5) Oh yeah, and I immediately realized that the owners of this business have little to no business acumen and my input and contribution, while minimally required, would result in a god-like reputation in very short order. (100% Ego)

Now, obviously number 5 was an attention grabber. I have managed my career very carefully up to this point. Only taking on opportunities that in some way elevate my status professionally and/or most importantly financially. When this opportunity presented itself, I couldn’t grab it fast enough. The first month or so really highlighted reason # 5. After coming off the 60+ Hour a week schedule I was maintaining at “The Agency”, this seemed like a dream job realized. I showed up, said some shit, watched the owners swoon at my ideas and got a paycheck for it. Beautiful! I knew this wasn’t going to be a career move, only a nice breather in-between more exciting, more professionally focused opportunities.

Well the honeymoon was short lived. We recently made an acquisition of a Canadian company that provides a complimentary service to some of our products. Along with this acquisition came a new CTO. A Canadian, asshole, MBA who clearly wiseguy’d the owners into a purchase. He’s like most MBA’s I know; overly eager, self-assured and completely lost without Excel and PowerPoint. Granted, I should be concerned that the owners of my company actually fell for his MBA bullshit and bought his company as quickly as they did. And even more concerning is that this isn’t the first flippant financial decision I’ve seen them make since joining the team here. BUT, the bigger issues now is that this Mr. MBA has single handedly ruined any chance he and I have at a professional or personal relationship.

I walked in today (Monday morning no less) to a shit storm of comments from Mr. MBA about a marketing item I managed last week. I’ll spare you the pathetic details of our exchange, but it resulted in him calling me an unmotivated liar. He then stormed out of my office, slammed the door and refused to conversate in a manner becoming of an adult. He sulked for about 1 hour while I supplied him an endless amount of evidence supporting the fact that I did manage the issue in question with professional acumen.

His apology didn’t come as a surprise, and it was even followed up with an offer to buy my lunch. I love it when I win!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Social Masochism.

Tuesday is Valentines Day and for whatever reason the gays really go all out for it. I stopped celebrating valentines after 8th grade until I met Mr. Man, with whom I enjoyed 5 Valentines Day celebrations. They typically consisted of dinner and yes even flowers and chocolates. Prior to receiving flowers from another guy I thought I’d never get used to it, but I must say, it is nice. So guys, as antiquated a notion as it might seem, flowers are a great way to get the desired result. Note to self.

I went to a party Saturday night and a great time. There were a lot of guys (and some girls, and some guys that acted like girls) in attendance. I met some new people, socialized with old friends and genuinely had a good time. This party was clearly a success. I am solely responsible for mixing up some cosmopolitans that would strip 100-year-old paint off of an iron bar. They provided just the right amount of social lubrication to make things interesting.

I had some interesting conversations. One in particular stuck with me. My friend made an observation that I thought was very poignant. He noticed that even though there were 50+ guys squeezed into a 500 Sq. foot condo, we all still managed to segment ourselves into distinguishable cliques. There were the facial hair rugby bears in one corner, the pretty boys who feed off each other’s compliments in another. The intellectual elitists, the “I’m too young to hang with this old crowd” and the “we all know each other from whateverwebsite.com” crowd were all represented. The thing I noticed, being a natural social tweener who can float from group to group, reinventing myself along the way, was that I enjoyed the conversations I had with everyone EXCEPT the pretty boy clan. They were cold, non responsive and genuinely boring. They seemed completely uninterested in speaking about anything of substance and were difficult to engage. While I too am guilty of associating with this demographic at different points in my life, I can honestly say that I would have never gone out of my way to discourage conversation from anyone who approached me. The really funny thing about these types of people is, they are only as strong as they are numbered. You get these guys alone outside in the day light away from their sphere of influence, and they break down quickly.

The overall takeaway from this is here: All gay men suffer from self-esteem issues. We all, at one point in our lives, realized we were different from others in a socially unacceptable way. This murdered our confidence. We spend years trying to find a normal place where we can have shared experiences with people like ourselves. When we finally do find “our community” why do we insist on creating micro social dynamics that support a social cast system similar to the one we spent years trying to escape? We are a community full of social masochists.