Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Anatomy of Circumstance

Cray gave me a book called Gay and Single Forever a few weeks back. Not exactly something you thank someone for, but I did peruse its pages and found it to be very interesting. Despite is title, its not designed to embitter or usher its readers into further depths of self pity, it attempts helps make sense of the ridiculousness that is gay dating and relationship cycles. It covers all the basis, the self-loathing, the effects of said self loathing on our quest for love, our often miscalibrated moral compass, selfishness, our 3rd grade dating rituals, insurmountable expectations and little to no tolerance for variation from our “ideals”. The book attempts to explain all of these conditions and it seems like it always comes back to adolescent experience.

Simply explained:
Kid realizes he’s different.
Kid does anything to fit in.
Adolescent years spent in silent desperation.
No adolescent relationships.
Adolescent suffers from discrimination. (directly or indirectly). Deepens wounds.
Kid comes out, starts dating for the first time as an adult.
Adult suffers wounds from childhood, remains emotionally immature
Adult equates sex as acceptance and uses it to heal emotional wounds. A Temporary fix.
Adult is too busy “healing wounds” to hunt for a meaningful companion.
Time flies and suddenly Adult is, in fact, gay and single forever.

Generally, I agree with the books arguments. I can certainly relate to many of those situations. While I do consider myself “relationship oriented”, I have never gone in willingly, often needed to be coerced into it. Something I had just accepted until recently. Until I met FM, whose stirred up something in me I haven’t felt in a long while. We have spent the last 5 nights together and even that doesn’t seem like enough. I’ve decided to just go with it this time and look forward to seeing where I end up.

I hid that book deep in my drawer just in case some of its bitterness tries jump off its pages and sabotage the good thing I have going on here. You can never be too cautious.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Paris, I love you

Forrest brought Paris, Je T’Aime into my life last night and I must say it was fantastic. Not only is Paris my favorite city in the world, because of him, I can now imagine rediscovering it street by street with someone special. As cliché as it sounds, I had a springtime Parisian love affair one extended weekend way back when. We ran around the city in the rain, looked at art, ate stale baggets and swapped life stories before rejoining our distant lives in America. We never saw each other again.

Last night, for the first time in a very long time, while we lay in the bed together watching the film, I stepped outside of myself and looked in on things from above with optimistic excitement. A nice change. Suddenly realizing that I have stumbled upon a very significant someone who, if he keeps up the good work, could finally be the one I’ve been looking for.

Not to mention he speaks French as perfectly as Napoleon and I imagine that will come in handy in Paris someday.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Family Matters

As our trip to Maui comes to an all-too-soon end I m reminded of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family and am extremely grateful that we were able to spend these last 6 days together in this beautiful place. Even though my grandmother claims that this was her swan song, I have a feeling I will see her in another exotic destination or two before it's all said and done. She enjoyed the pina coladas entirely too much.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

Looks familiar

It finally got a little cooler here in Austin today..the weather is dropping subtle hints of the Fall nearing. While it's nowhere near as distinguished as my East Coast falls were, It still kicks up a little something inside of me.

Recently Ive been mired down with moves, work, upcoming trips and other particulars and as a result i've been accused of not seeing the forest for the trees.

Now, all I see is Forrest. ;)

Friday, September 12, 2008


Its funny how life throws you a bone just when you need it. Amidst all the change happening in my life right now, an introduction stops me in my tracks and commands a slight raised eyebrow.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Oh Please!

So Texas is in the midst of a hurricane feeding frenzy. Through the evacuation headlines and emergency broadcasting, bubbles up snippets of environmental verbal diarrhea that really chaps my fat ass.

One of the cornerstones of climate alarmism is that global warming is causing stronger, more destructive Hurricanes. If you don't believe me, just ask the Global Warmingist-in-Chief Al Gore. Well, in February, the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration issued a press release that should make the Nobel Prize committee demand Gore immediately return his award and their money.
I'm so tired of environmentalist using 'convenient untruths' to justify their position on 'environmental terrorism' in the media. Of course they do all this from their computers and telephones that are plugged into electrical outlets that get over 90% their juice from coal an other energy villains. Hows that for irony? I also find that many of these earth warriors have little to no meat (or tofu) to serve me during our dinner table discussions. They spew bumper sticker worthy statements but have little to no facts to back them up. That coupled with their natural body odor is offensive enough to make me leave the discussion behind quickly.
In the end, I guess its fine if these greenies eventually find a way to unplug from our grid, that simply means more power for me to use. (insert evil laughter here)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Raising the bar....

Quite possibly the gayest thing I've heard in ages.

Of course I like it.

High Anxiety

I’m so NOT anxiety attack material but that’s exactly what’s happened to me on numerous occasions over the last month. Pressure from buying a home in a prestigious neighborhood, basically tearing it down to the studs and starting over, working with an architect, appeasing a nosey homeowners association, spending LOTS of money, moving out of my current home into a temporary apartment, putting most of my things in storage, and launching 4 new major campaigns at work has officially pushed me over the psychotic edge. Not to mention that growing older coupled with my obsessions with WebMD has me convinced that im suffering from several types of cancer, a rare stomach parasite, insomnia, Epstein Barr Syndrome and a touch of the typhoid.

You know it’s bad when several hours of Tivo’d Oprah, project runway, top design and Tabatha’s salon makeover can’t even calm you down. It seems like I can’t even drive my car anymore without having a total “I can’t breathe” panic attack at every red light in town. Who is this person? CRAY pushed a Xanax on me at the beach and I must say the “I don’t give a good god damn” vibe it sent throughout my body was a more than welcomed sensation.

I’ve seen my doctor, asked for the Xanax and he’s “thinking it over”. I’m fine with that, as long as he’s fine with having a panic stricken driver moving at a high rate of speed while simultaneously contemplating everything from butler’s pantries to stomach parasites to rich media ad serving costs on the same road as him.

Yeah, it didn’t work on him either….