Saturday, January 10, 2009

Wordsmithing 101

I found this lead story writeup on CNN a bit odd.... "tasted the flesh"? How about "attacked", bitten, scratched, tickled, anything else...

"Giant panda mauls third victim at Beijing Zoo
Gu Gu, a panda at the Beijing Zoo, has tasted the flesh of an unwitting intruder to his pen for the third time. Zhang Jiao, 28, told CNN he fell into the panda pen Wednesday while trying to catch a small toy thrown by his young son...."

So i've rewritten the story....

Giant Panda bites deserving idiot at Beijing Zoo.
Gu Gu, a panda at the Beijing Zoo attacked an idiot tourist who felt it necessary to sacrifice his life over a small Chinese toy (full of lead) that was thrown into the cage by his unruly child. Zhang Jiao, 28, told CNN he refuses to teach his child a lesson about losing toys and would rather risk his life and limb by leaping into the cage himself to retrieve it. He's optimistic that the 5000 videos taken of the incident by the other Chinese tourist in attendance will make their way onto YouTube and make him an Internet sensation. He hopes to soon join the ranks of other idiot Chinese Internet sensations such as "William Hung" and all time favorite "Tina Chen" .

Friday, January 09, 2009

DC (Dismal City)

I decided to turn on the 11 o'clock news before winding down the evening here in Washington and was SHOCKED at the top story. 7 shootings, 4 stabbings and 3 new body discoveries all today. Holy shit..who actually wants to live here? Ok, Don't answer that.

In other glad you're not coming to the Inauguration. They have shut down the city, making it near impossible to get in or out on that day. Not sure how the 4+ million folks are planning on attending. My boss is talking about WALKING to the capital from his house in Alexandria, others are actually spending the night in our offices on the hill. Ok, so HOPE shines Eternal but not bright enough for me to sleep on a corporate hard floor and brave negative temperatures to catch a glimpse of the president elect a jumbo tron 1/4 mile from the Capitol Steps while dodging bullets.

In fact, ill probably just tivo the whole thing and watch it in between Oprah and The City episodes. That sounds stomachable.

One bright moment of my trip was sitting 1 row behind Mrs Barbara Bush on my flight from Houston to DC on Wednesday. Loaded to the gills with secret service and her personal staff, I eavesdropped into her conversations for the entire 2.5 hour flight. Yeah shes a complete bitch, but probably the last true "first lady" to hang her fabulous hat in the White House. Despite her dapper appearance my sick mind couldn't help but to think about one of my favorite MAD TV moments: