Monday, October 01, 2007

This is the kind of press one receives when they reach a level of fame and recognition that few in this world can appreciate. While it fails to meet expectations factually, It is well crafted and much appreciated. I felt deserved to be published outwardly. I will let this serve as an official response to Mr. Michael E's numerous attempts to contact me over the last week despite the dead silence that befell our friendship after his last visit to the Austin metro area over a month ago.

Noted Austin Marketeer and Socialite Reported Missing

Austin (AP)
Noted Marketing executive and Austin socialite, Jason M, has been reported missing. Michael E, close esteemed friend of Mr. M contacted Austin authorities on Sunday reporting that Mr. M has failed to return e-mail and voice mail messages. “I know Jason has been busy traveling, but it is just not like him to not return at least every third message. His internet blog,, continues to have updates, sometimes even multiple daily entries. But what makes me suspicious is the grammar has been correct and it lacks his notorious misspellings.”

Detective Dixon Cox of the Greater Austin Police Department reports initial inquiries are pointing to foul play. Local gay establishments have reported a sharp decline in business over the last month and part time drag queen Anita Hoare states, “The general energy of the patrons seems depleted.” At Charlie’s, Austin’s oldest gay bar, dancer Seymore Dick states he has ..”had to take another job without the big tips normally received from Jason.” Close friend Charles “Bunny” R, declined to comment, but sources close to the Austin legend confirm he is deeply concerned about Jason. But it is not just gay establishments that are suffering. The Lobby Lounge at the Four Seasons reports that sales of Kir Royales had plummeted dramatically.

Michael E has posted a substantial reward of $2 for anyone with information leading to the were abouts of Mr. M. Michael described his feelings to reporters during his press announcement by stating, “I feel just terrible. Jason had just introduced me to my future lover and life partner and then fell off the earth basically M.I.A.” He went on to describe how..”Jason and I share a close bond and we really have never gone this long without contact. I know Jason would never avoid my calls or not return them unless he was in great distress. My biggest fear is that his trusting nature has been compromised. Jason has been known to pay for male companionship and I fear that perhaps he hired someone who is holding him against his will…or….or…” At this point Michael broke down and had to be carried off stage where he was taken to the hospital and reportedly admitted and given sedatives to calm him.

Austin society continues to pray for his welfare and everyone across the area is reportedly double checking their doors before they go to bed wondering what has happened to Jason M.


Anonymous said...

Girl, I am glad to know you are safe. I have retracted the award. Gotta save my greenbacks for the flight to Austin.

the doc said...

What exactly is a "socialite"?

Amy C said...

Twice I have spoken on the phone to someone claiming to be Mr. M. But promised lunchtime revelry was never consummated. This worries me. The real Jason M would never shirk his margarita responsibilities.

I'm off to Vegas again - maybe the mysterious Mr. M will turn up when I return:)