Finding my Center in Vegas

Have you ever had those moments in your life when some random thing or some random someone reminds you of where you came from, and you're forced to contemplate for a minute or two just how far you’ve come from that place? Well that happened to me tonight here in Las Vegas. I hopped in a cab after a fantastic 4-star dinner at Michael Mina at The Bellagio and started a convo with the cab driver. I immediately noticed his southern accent and inquired about his hometown. Of all the places in this world he could have mentioned, he tells me that he is from Clio, South Carolina. Clio is a pea sized, shrinking town about 20 miles from where I grew up. In fact, I used to work on a farm in Clio in the summers during High School. I know the place extremely well. Our brief conversation focused less on the “who do ya know” game, and more on the “im really glad I had that small town upbringing” discussion. For one quick second, In the middle of the craziness and fabulosity of Las Vegas, 20 years of life experiences were stripped away and I was a small town NC boy again. And it felt good.

I think sometimes it takes small reminders like that to put us in our place. It was especially relevant now, for me, here in Vegas. This city is so over-the-top and far from realistic, that brief reminder of home provided just the right balance to keep me centered in the moment.

As we pulled up to my hotel I thought about asking him to do another loop down the strip so we could continue our conversation. but it didn’t happen. The juxtaposition of the insane Vegas environment and our conversation was just too appealing to end so quickly.

As I stepped out, the driver refused to let me pay him and said “good luck”. I replied with the same and he drove back into the neon jungle with memories of home fresh in his mind.

Porn Stars, Midgets and a Million Dollars

Vegas is out of control. Of course I already knew that, but my involvement with this town has always been limited to some sort of work event. Last night, however, was noteworthy. It started with Dinner hosted by my favorite media vixen, Miss Ashe. She invited me and any my select posse to The Venetian for incredible Italian, drinks and a whopping dose of her personality. Miss Ashe shows up with Ex Porn/Playboy Bunny Jill Ann Spaulding and her smack-your-momma-pretty assistant. Jill Ann has recently morphed herself into a professional pokerplayer and a successfull publishing entrepreneur. She has started a new poker enthusiasts magazine (www.toppairmagazine.com). After her scandalous book about what goes on inside the Playboy Mansion made thousands throw up in their mouths, shes pretty much now been frozen out of the adult empire. I heard the whole story, and it is as interesting as it sounds. Kinda like a car crash, you really wanna look but dont want anyone to see you doing it.

Miss Ashe loves to name drop, so we heard about her partying with Snoop Dog, her naked rendezvous with Pam Anderson at Cannes, and Carmen Electra's outrageous behaviors, and all that kind of jazz. Jamie is the most gregarious person I've ever met. She's 34, single, lives in LA, parties like a rock star and doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs or anything else most in that lifestyle do. She has a penchant for plastic surgery and extremely small skirts. Her boobs are her not-so-secret weapon and she's not afraid to use them to her advantage. She's one of those people who can control a room in a matter of 3 minutes and it's often literally by the balls. She also has a PHD in some unpronounceable science and owns one of the most successful entertainment media companies in Hollywood. So im officially impressed.

After delicious dinner (Wood fired Jumbo Sea Scallops and exotic mushrooms) we head over to a private party at TAO hosted by self-created online gambling celebrity Calvin Ayre of Bodog.com. After Jill Ann worked the red carpet photo ops for all they were worth (which wasnt much), and we enter the party. Words really can't describe the over-the-top, outrageousness we found inside. Naked girls body painting each other, girls playing with themselves in bathtubs, geisha, asian hookers, anything you can imagine. After 3 Grey-Goose on the rocks I thought I was seeing things when a troupe of midget ninjas (Im NOT kidding) circled the bar and started throwing out bottles of Cristal champagne, some of which crashed to the floor and broke. There were hooka rooms, bathrooms with self frosting glass, dance floors; it was garish, over the top and wonderful all rolled into one.

Of course you'd expect as many adjectives as possible for a million dollars. That was the parties price tag.

Discrimination, Jungle Style

I very barely squeezed out of a work trip to Bogota Colombia this week. I was not at all interested in going there, much less into the jungle to supervise a television commercial shoot with a crazy English director who has little to no regard for the real dangers the Colombian jungle houses. I think it will take someone getting swallowed whole by an anaconda for him to realize that. Not to mention the kidnapping problem they have there. I’ve met many people from Colombia (including my landlords) who were kidnapped and held for ransom when they were kids. It’s literally a cottage industry there. People actually stand outside the grocery stores and kidnap kids and hold them ransom for groceries. They especially target Americans because they think were all monied. It is strongly recommended that Americans not visit Colombia unless they know exactly what they are getting into.

I’ve learned a lot about the state of affairs in many Central and South American countries since being in Costa Rica. You hear a lot of talk about Nicaragua (Costa Rica’s “Mexico”) There are thousands of Nicaraguans fleeing here to Costa Rica every year to escape unbearable living conditions. It really puts things into perspective when you realize that Nica’s (yes, it’s dangerously close) see Costa Rica’s average $300 a month wages as their pie in the sky. The Costa Ricans HATE Nicaraguans. They openly despise them in conversation, and on the street. The Nicaraguans are the underclass workers here. They clean houses, pick up the trash and work in your yard for pennies. Very similar to the jobs illegal Mexicans do in the United States. Similar to the US, there has been a governmental tolerance here for years because they realize these people provide services to the citizens that would go undone if they weren’t here. Also like illegal Mexicans in the US, the Nica’s tax the system. They get free healthcare and social security, even if they are not legal.

“Politically correct” Americans would NEVER appreciate the attitudes toward other races and cultures here in Costa Rica. The word for black people here is “nigger”, it’s used unabashedly and to their faces. Nica’s are literally spit on in the street, Columbians, Panamanians, and Mexicans are all also hated here. There is even a level of discrimination that happens to Americans here, I’ve witnessed it many times. There is open discrimination and hostility towards a lot of people here. Francisco, ( well adjusted, educated, Costa Rican BF), won’t let my maid (who’s Nica) touch his clothes even though they are very friendly with each other. He was raised to believe that ‘Nicas’ are dirty. She accidentally washed a shirt of his a few weeks back and he refuses to wear it now. That’s some conviction there, when a ‘Nica’ comes between a gay man and his clothes.

You have to take a step back and try not to apply “American Values” to the way of life in this part of the world. The Latin cultures especially are very proud by nature and that pride sometimes spills over into animosity towards one another. The Costa Ricans are not violent people, hell they don’t even have an Army here, but they do have very strong beliefs and some of them go counter to what Americans see as ‘human’. I will say this, if people in the US think they are “oppressed”, I’ve got a free room for ‘em here in Costa Rica. They’ll soon realize that they’ve got a pretty good deal going right where they are.

Picasa Perfection.

I've been playing around with Google's photo system (Picasa. )
Pretty cool, and it's free!


Cancun Beach Rocks



Franc filtered


Westward Sun, Cancun

Cancun Redux

I have learned a valuable lesson while being here in Cancun. It’s a lot like Vegas, good for about 3 days max. Especially in the summer. The humidity here must be 350%. I’ve never experienced such uncomfortable ness in my life. I flew Francisco out to spend a few days here with me and im really glad I did. You really don’t know how well you “click” with someone until you vacation with them. I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed kicking around with him when I wasn’t busy trying to find wireless on my work laptop or getting incessantly drunk with the A level execs of my company at the swim up bar in the middle of the afternoon. I’ve learned that marriages and even ones sexuality become “loose” terms when significant levels of alcohol are introduced to the equation. Enough said.

I just put franc on a plane back to Costa Rica and as sad as it may sound, I kinda miss him already. I loved experiencing his first trip out of Costa Rica through his eyes. Had I not been here, he would have gone home dressed in Senior Frogs T-shirt with inappropriate saying on the back toting souvenir plastic glasses the size of a small children. Ok, so our taste levels aren’t on par, but im not botherd by it. I think it’s cute that he gets suckered into every tourist trap accoutrement that gets thrown at him. He didn’t have experiences like Spring Break in Myrtle Beach, or trips through South of the Border along I95 to acclimate him to the ways of the trashy American tourist. So I give him a lot of slack. I did, however, draw the line on neon Cancun inscribed wife beaters and penis shaped glass “tobacco” pipes. No way.

Professionally, this trip was a wash. It’s purpose wasn’t business driven. My company takes this trip every year to thank everyone for a job well done. In the one 30 minute preso we had to sit through, I learned that we will hit over 2 Billion (pounds) in revenue this year and projected to almost double that over the next 2 years. So It doesn’t surprise me that they don’t mind springing for a chartered jet and 150 hotel rooms for a week in Mexico. We have a new CEO, and CFO effective October 1, we’ll see how things develop.

So after one more company dinner and subsequent open bar, it will be adios Cancun. You’ve been hot but not bothersome.

Cancun en fotos

Redneck Riviera!

I've been working really hard over the last few weeks so Im looking forward to some much needed (company sponsored) R&R in Cancun. This time tomorrow Francisco and I will be sipping Pina's poolside with all the other low-season American cheap skates.

Im going to try to ignore the gaudiness that has overcome Cancun and focus on the beautiful beaches and nice weather.

We've rented a plane to take us all there. I just hope it doesn't look like this.

Estoy Emocionado Yall!

Conquering America, Missing Costa Rica,Thinking about Europe

Thoroughly enjoying my trip to the us except for the fact that I have been stricken with an all out Allergy assault. My eyes are killing me and my nose wont stop running. I’ve let my facial hair grow out some to cover the redness on my neck and cheeks. Im sure the minute I lift off the ground on Monday It’ll miracously go away. I hate that.

I’ve peppered my visit with business and pleasure, shopping for American essentials and configuring my baggage for the electronics contraband I plan on taking back into Costa Rica. Im excited to be smuggling in a Tivo, as DVR’s are non existent there. I wont be able to enjoy the Tivo Service (not available in Central America), but will be able to enjoy the DVR features. Oprah and I will be back on speaking terms this time next week.

As expected, I’ve missed some parts of Costa Rica and others not. Francisco has called me everyday, twice a day. I think it’s safe to say he misses me. I let him stay at my house, he’s been sleeping with my shirt wrapped around a pillow. It’s cute and sad all rolled up into one. Needless to say I’m looking forward to seeing him. Im Not looking forward to the non air-conditioned existence I live there.

So Stratocade and JohninTexas and I have finally planned booked our trip to Europe in August. Thanks to Strotocade’s Airline Mastery, we are good to go on our $33.00 biz class fares to Rome. We spent hours figuring out intra Europe cities, airfares and hotels, and have finally put it all together.

Here’s the Iten:
Toronto-Rome-Barcelona-Sitges-London-Berlin-Munich-Cyprus-Milan.

All in 17 days. Which will only put a dent in my 6-weeks of vacation I get from work, just insane. I’m looking forward to this trip because it’s not Europe on 5 dollars a day, but a well choreographed, 5-star experience thanks to Stratocades international travel acumen and Mr. Big Stuff influence.

Coming to America to get Lemons.

Like Eddie Murphy, Im Coming to America tomorrow for an extended biz trip. Im hitting San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York and Boston and of course Austin.

Top 5 Things im looking forwad to:

1. Seeing my friends
2. Air conditioning
3. Television thats not subtitled
4. Paved Roads
5. The Sun (haven't seen it in almost a month)

I'll be towing my 2 gargantuan suitcases for transporting contraban back into Costa Rica. Things like home electronics, bed sheets, medicine and lemons..Yes Lemons, they dont frickin' grow here. Hows that for f*$*ed up?

SHOCKING!!!!

...not really...

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- A $200 bottle of champagne from Hooters and $300 worth of "Girls Gone Wild" videos were among items bought with debit cards handed out by FEMA to help hurricane Katrina victims, auditors probing $1 billion in potential waste and fraud have found. Other charges cataloged: $250 liquor sale, $600 Strip Club charge, $400 Divorce Lawyer, $800 online gambling charge.

Love is a Battlefield.

I get asked a lot how I feel about gay Marriage and it’s proposed constitutional ban. I typically supply the best, most obvious “canned response” I can conjure up. But with the recent media attention on this subject I’ve been forced to think more about it. My honest opinion, being a gay person of the world, is that it’s perfectly fine for 2 consenting adults to engage in an emotional, committed, contractual relationship. Whether that’s called a “marriage” or “partnership” makes no difference to me whatsoever. All I want are my “inalienable” rights as a citizen of this country. On the Constitutional Ban, I think it’s absurd that our leadership would promote legislation that would, for the first time in constitutional history, place language in the most important legislative document we have that actively discriminates against a sizable population of this country. That in and of itself should shake people to their very core, despite their feelings about the subject matter.

Often, right wing conservative Christians justify their hate mongering by using responses like “were not discriminating against gays, were defining the word marriage”. Or the ever popular “the bible says marriage is an act between a man and a woman”. Well any intelligent human being on this earth fully understands that if your “definition” of marriage omits a certain population, you are in fact, discriminating against them. Plain and simple. The religious in this country have done a bang-up job of selectively accepting humanity as their own. Permitting themselves to choose who and what they accept as people and using biblical references (that are often mistranslated and out-of-date) to justify their feelings towards the groups they don’t accept. It’s interesting that some of the most bigoted people I know go to church every single Sunday. People like the Rev. (loose term) Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church who spews his backbiting, terminological inexactitude whenever he can and plots grossly inappropriate and irreverent funeral protests, because he’s so convinced that the gays are destroying the earth. (Yes, he’s clearly a latent homosexual who has to go ridiculous extremes to keep his true sexuality at bay. Hell have a great time in hell with the rest of us) The dichotomy Mr. Phelps represents is appalling really, but it also thankfully helps discredit him to most Americans who actually know their ass from a hole in the wall.

Personally I’m flattered and amazed that so many in this country consider my personal life such a threat to their very existence. It’s sad that these people have lost their sphere of influence over their families and themselves. I had no idea me and my gay friends meant so much to so many people. These folks have allowed virtual strangers to dictate their personal mental and emotional security and now they’ve decided to gain back their “moral” ground by supporting the dehumanization of other citizens. They have the gaw to use an ancient text as their foundational argument, because the know intellectually it holds no water. Life is about individualism, for gays and straights. Smart, adjusted people teach their families to be individuals no matter what (or who) they see around them. Stupid, uneducated people fall victim to social, religious and political influence time and time again. Unfortunately, this country seems to be chocked full of stupid people who use religion and bigotry as comfort food for their souls not thinking for a second about the personal and emotional impact this has on the gay and lesbian population.

I don’t believe for one second that this latest attempt at political gay bashing was organically grown. It’s a well plotted, hot topic issue that’s been regurgitated again by the religious conservatives to divert attention away from the massive political, social, and economic failures they have helped recently usher in this country. I’m ashamed of the republicans as a whole for pushing a socio-religious agenda when theres a devastating war going on. I’m saddened that we (including the media) are focusing on gay marriage when people are paying 60+ dollars to fill up their gas tanks. It’s beyond pathetic that our country devotes any amount of time to this subject when our borders (another loose term) resemble swiss cheese and there’s a hit floating out there with our name on it. But I’m most saddened by my fellow Americans willingness to deny their compatriots the same rights and freedoms they enjoy; Their use of the Bible as a divisive instrument of hate; And most importantly nurturing the anti-“American”, disharmonizing spirit this issue embodies.

Eco Tico Trip

Today, Francisco, Jen and I drove about 45 minutes east toward the Caribbean into the Braulio Carrillo National Park and Rainforest. I was surprised to see how close it was to where we’re living. The roads towards the Caribbean side of Costa Rica are in far better shape that the roads going west towards the Pacific. It’s amazing what the country’s largest Port (Limon) will do for attention to road infrastructure. I’ve become accustomed to passing 18 wheelers on blind curves in fog and rain. Throw in some falling boulders and potholes for good measure too. You’ll find religion quickly, if you haven’t already. Sister Mary Catherine of the Highway and I are in kind ;)

We reached the Aerial Tram 5 minutes before closing time, but off season desperation worked in our favor, they waved us right on through. We picked up our guide and boarded the contraption. It was absolutely fascinating. We rode for about an hour through the many layers of rainforest. Starting at the bottom and working our way to the top of the canopy, it’s estimated that this particular forest is over 300 years old. Birds, snakes, sloths, anteaters all made brief appearances.

Of course my twisted mind kept thinking about 2 things.

1. What if this basket we’re riding in breaks loose from the wire it hangs on and we plunge 200 meters to the rainforest floor. If we survive the fall, our broken bones will keep us from escaping to safety before night falls. We’ll surely get eaten by something.

2. What if one of the many deadly species of snakes we saw in the trees drops itself into our basket? Who would I use as a human shield? Jen? Francisco? Maria (The Guide)? Oh,… The pressure.

When I wasn’t contemplating my death, I was thoroughly enjoying the view. Something I STRONGLY recommend to anyone who visits Costa Rica. After the tram ride, Maria took us on a walking path that extended deep into the forest so we could see all the terrible things she described from the safety of our basket 300 feet in the air, up close and personal. And it wasn’t long before the first frightening encounter occurred. As Maria was showing us a leaf the size of my last house, some sort of vampire bat flew out of the bush and right into Jens chest. Screams ensued, there was also some running involved. After the blood returned to our face, we regrouped, Maria then warned us that we should expect to see some snakes and not to panic. The deadly Fer De Lance gets aggressive when you “panic”. I kindly asked Maria to define “panic”. I needed to know, was she talking about internal panic, or all out “holy shit im going to die, run fast” panic. It was the latter, but I knew I was going to do both if one of those things came near me. So right at that moment, I had a word with my inner self about crisis management, I then felt prepared enough to continue. It’s getting darker, and I seem to be the only one thinking that’s not a good idea to be on a dirt path in the rainforest at night. We have no flashlight, sticks or guns….just our guide Maria, who moved to the rainforest to be closer to the “narly surf” in Limon. She’s nowhere near a snake charmer. Yes, this worried me.

We saw a colony of Leafcutting Ants the size of Alabama, Butterflies that could eat a small human child and some mosquitoes that reigned supreme. Despite the forests deadly inhabitants, Jen, Franc and I were amazed by it all. That’s probably why we didn’t see the…........

(To be continued tomorrow....it's pretty damn good too)

Emotion in Motion

Like an accidental tourist, I’ve found myself an accidental romance here in Central America. For those of you who questioned my mystical power of dating persuasion, I’ve now proven that it transcends borders, cultural and language barriers. I call it “accidental” because I was not looking for a “steady” (sounds so grandma’ish) or even a date. In fact, I had made a pact with myself to solely focus on my job for the first few months while I was here. Well, I’ve miserably failed at keeping the dating universe at bay, as I am deeply imbedded with Fransicso (literally and figuratively…smirk). The good news is, my job concentration level hasn’t suffered as a result.

My previous observations remain. We are completely different individuals. Our life experiences are diametrically opposed and on paper we make no sense. He’s 26 for starters. Not normally in my dating target demo. But I must say, there’s something insatiable about being with a younger guy. Note to self for all you naysayers, Demi Moores of the universe are on to something. But our ages are only the tip of the “how different can we be” iceberg. There’s not one inch of our lives that share similarities. But I find that challenging in a good way. Learning to tolerate human differences is what real relationships are about. It’s good practice for me specifically, ask my last boyfriend. I know this “thing” I have has an expiration date. I’m not living in Costa Rica for the rest of my life. And even if it ends a month from now, I’m fine with that too. I’m learning a great deal about myself in the process.

We had a fantastic weekend in Quepos. Some beaches there are...um...clothing optional ;)

Does The Movie Kill the Literary Star?

Since it’s Memorial Day and the Costa Ricans have no clue what that is, im going to go catch the DaVinci Code while the Theatres are free of screaming pubescent Ticos. It’s actually already in the movie rental store here, one of the benefits of living in a country that doesn’t concern itself with movie piracy. (They’ve got bigger fish to fry like, um , poverty and infrastructure). But I’d rather see it on the big screen and the popcorn doesn’t fall into my couch there.

I’ve thumbed through the book, but cant say I’ve read it in it’s entirety. While the subject is, by it’s nature, fascinating, I’m just a little spent on all things Catholic right now. I’m enjoying the ridiculous media frenzy this movie has generated. It’s fun to watch the religiously devout get shaken to their core by a piece of fiction. Stand in’s, boycotts, hell, fire, and brimstone. They’ve tried about everything to guilt people into not going to see the film. Maybe they should have put as much time and energy into the ONGOING catholic priest SEX SCANDAL that’s plagued them for years rather than worry about a book that was written for entertainment. Then again, the diversion is clever and well played out. Score one for the Vatican.

Without seeing the film, I think Tom Hanks is miscast. He’s a great actor, but just not who I’d want to see in that role. Someone a bit more stately. Completely unrelated, his hair looks funny in the previews too. Like a pre-mullet or something. Can I get an amen halleluiah Jesus?

At the very least, I know I’ll be entertained for a few hours. I just hope the subtitles don’t take away too much from the cinematography. I might go to the really nice theatre here where they have foot stools and neck massages. It’s more expensive though. $2000.00 Colones.. That’s $3.97 USD. God bless the US Dollar.

Conjunction Junction

I watched a really hot movie late last night called “VASOLINA”

… A guy, A girl, leather, sex, cars. I was all over it.

Oh, in the US it’s called “GREASE”. (insert courtesy laugh here)

I love cross cultural literal translations. Here are some others for your amusement.

I also found out today that I was bestowed the distinction of writing the "gayest blog post ever" by Queerty.com for my comments on the tarantuala invasion in my house. While I find it hard to believe that they couldnt find queer'er comments than mine online Uh Hum (www.perezhilton.com) Im honored nonetheless.

Setting the gay standard for alomst 10 years now, I leave you with this.... Ta Ta Bitches!

Costa Rica Explained

All of my availiable, clever, brainpower is currently being devoted to my job so my blog will have to take a back seat until I can free up some brain cells to actually write something profound. In my absense I thought I'd post some photos of my new hometown.

The city center, as in most Latin cities, is the pulse of San Jose. Thousands of people flock to the Mercado Central on the weekends to shop for food, flowers, and to stare at Americans evidentially. I love to go here on the weekends and enjoy the scene and stare back at people.

Flowers are abundant and extremely cheap in Costa Rica. 12 birds of Paradise (Ginger Lillies) will run you about 3 or 4 dollars. Roses under 50 cents a piece and gerber daisy's are 10 cents a stem. The variatals and abundance of flowers here are amazing. There are flower services here that will fill every room in your house and take care of them once a week for 30.00 US. There are flower stands on almost every corner here and as usual the prices (though already ridiculusly cheap) are always negotiable espicially if theres a neighboring flower stand.




San Jose has an overwhelming European Influence. Like Argentina, many europeans settled here after WWII and espcially Italians. Theres an over abundance of Italian resturants and Italian culture here. Architecturally, the city reminds me of Buenos Aires. Very European, almost Parisian. Ther are few new, modern office building here, most seem to have been built in the late 70's and early 80's when the Coffee trade here exploded. The streets are brick and there are absolutely NO street signs whatsoever.


Banking and Coffee and now Tourism drive the Costa Rican economy. There are banks on almost every corner here and unlike many Latin American countires, the Costa Ricans are perfectly comfortable putting their money into Banks. The Statues in the picture on the right are an homage to the victory Costa Ricans fared against American military "adventurer" William Walker in 1856, who invaded Costa Rica with an army of captured nicaraguan slaves. Costa Rica now has the distinct honor of being the only contry in the world without an army or Navy, they were disbanded in 1949 and never returned. National security only exists on the local police level, and you rarely see them (I never have).



I take The Pan-American Highway everyday to work and I fight for road real estate all the time with these busses. The roads here are atrocious, espicially during the "green" season (AKA Rainly season officially renamed by the Costa Rican Travel and Tourism Board). Water causes massive sinkholes to occur unexpectedy. Cars will run into to them and the result is often deadly. Thers are also mudslides and washouts that can close the road for days. People walk and ride their bikes on the highway here too. I often see children running across the road in between traffic and I cringe. Costa Rica actually has a program in place to incentivize people to buy new cars. Most peopel drive 10-15 year old cars here that break down or fall apart on the highway causing traffic accidents. There are no street lights here, so driving at night can be a game of chicken with pedestrians in the roads. People get hit by cars here extremely often.

Tarantulas, Scorpians, Sankes, earthquakes, mudslides aside, im glad I took the plunge and moved here. I've met amazing people, had interesting cross-cultural experiences and besides, how often do you get to live 5 miles from an active Volcano?

Matrimonial Censorship!

So blogging can seem a bit on the “freaky” side to people who (A) Who aren’t early adopters and don’t use computers frequently and/ or (B) People who are married to a semi-retired rural Pediatricians who have recently been bitten by the Blogging bug.

This entry is dedicated to the latter. Said semi-retired rural Pediatrician, someone I know very well, seems to be having a hard time convincing his wife, another person I know quite well, that the time he’s spending in the blogosphere is time well spent. While I don’t know the particulars of the conversations that have transpired, The Doc has indicated an interest in getting more traffic to his blog to help beef up his blogging value proposition to his lovely wife.

Because I believe it’s important as a content community that we support our fellow bloggers, I have decided to dedicate this entry to pushing The Doc's traffic request out to the masses (well at least the ones who read my blog). Im not even going to pepper it with promises of $100.00 checks from Microsoft or some unbelievable good luck if you pass it on to 10 friends. Just a straight forward, old fashioned, blowin' sunshine up your ass hand out.

Help save a Blogger! Please Visit www.talktothedoc.blogspot.com Don’t let another blogger fall victim to matrimonial censorship!

Much appreciated!

Hairy Situation

Click to Expand!

Like “Snakes on a Plane”, I had tarantulas in my house today. They were as big as my hand and they kept me prisoner in my bedroom for over 2 hours. I opened my bedroom door to find 2 of them waiting for me, like 2 choreographed demons from Hell. I screamed (I can admit it) slammed the door and immediately called the US for moral support. I somehow managed to navigate past them, ran upstairs and grabbed the can of scorpion spray (poison = my friend). After about an hour of strategic positioning, I got close enough to empty the can on one of the spiders. It literally made a devil hissing sound as it slowly curled up and died. The others have now hidden themselves somewhere in my house and are plotting their revenge. Needless to say, I grabbed some clothes, my deodorant and bolted out the door and I’ve checked myself into a hotel. I will stay here until those bastard tarantulas are found and killed or my credit card maxes out and I get kicked out, whichever comes first.

For those of you who are wondering; This is officially my “Oh Shit” moment. That point in time when I realize that I have moved to a third world country, where Tarantulas make house calls and my ability to call for help is stifled by a serious language barrier.

The Truth is Scarier Than Fiction..

I have a friend, Mr. BigStuff, who is embedded in Hollywood. Mr BigStuff kanoodles with the A-listers and knows everything about anyone who’s lives revolve around Hollywood and Vine. It’s safe to say that Mr. BigStuff is my ultimate authority on all things celebrity, and for good reason. He has built a career managing talent, marketing celebrity and getting people where want to go. More importantly, he’s slept with all the right people. My relationship with Mr. BigStuff spans 7 or so years, and we have an unspoken rule between us. If I want to know something about a Hollywood A-Lister, I ask in a non specific way and I never EXPECT an answer. He’s never let me down.

While im soooooo over the whole Tom cruise Katie Holmes thing, I must admit there’s some slight fascination in their story. Maybe it’s the train wreck nature of it, or just the “gross factor”, but im sucked in. I was a Tom Cruise fan until I saw him hump a Tijuana Whore as a greasy, long haired, paraplegic in Born on the 4th of July. Somehow that shattered the buttoned-up, flight suit, flyboy, Top Gun image I remembered so fondly. His recent media whoring hasn’t helped either. Something about a 40 something year old man jumping up and down on Oprah Winfrey’s couch like a potty trained monkey and delving out medical advice on morning television, just irks me. The guy has completely lost it.

Ok, so I’m sure you wee where this is going. I broke down last week and asked Mr. BigStuff to confirm the rumors that the recent Cruise-Holmes debacles (including her pregnacy), are, in fact, contrived media stunts. It’s always been my experience that where there’s smoke, there’s a fire. I was so anxious to hear back, I could hardly stand it.

I didn’t receive a reply. Maybe I have finally overstepped my boundaries with Mr. BigStuff? After all, Cruise is Hollywood “royalty” and there are some people out there you just don’t F*&K with.

I was delighted to discover an email from Mr. BigStuff in my inbox just this morning and even more delighted to put the months of speculation to rest. The truth, Tom Cruise is 100%, for sure, unequivocally… {INVALID PAGE ERROR}