The Truth is Scarier Than Fiction..

I have a friend, Mr. BigStuff, who is embedded in Hollywood. Mr BigStuff kanoodles with the A-listers and knows everything about anyone who’s lives revolve around Hollywood and Vine. It’s safe to say that Mr. BigStuff is my ultimate authority on all things celebrity, and for good reason. He has built a career managing talent, marketing celebrity and getting people where want to go. More importantly, he’s slept with all the right people. My relationship with Mr. BigStuff spans 7 or so years, and we have an unspoken rule between us. If I want to know something about a Hollywood A-Lister, I ask in a non specific way and I never EXPECT an answer. He’s never let me down.

While im soooooo over the whole Tom cruise Katie Holmes thing, I must admit there’s some slight fascination in their story. Maybe it’s the train wreck nature of it, or just the “gross factor”, but im sucked in. I was a Tom Cruise fan until I saw him hump a Tijuana Whore as a greasy, long haired, paraplegic in Born on the 4th of July. Somehow that shattered the buttoned-up, flight suit, flyboy, Top Gun image I remembered so fondly. His recent media whoring hasn’t helped either. Something about a 40 something year old man jumping up and down on Oprah Winfrey’s couch like a potty trained monkey and delving out medical advice on morning television, just irks me. The guy has completely lost it.

Ok, so I’m sure you wee where this is going. I broke down last week and asked Mr. BigStuff to confirm the rumors that the recent Cruise-Holmes debacles (including her pregnacy), are, in fact, contrived media stunts. It’s always been my experience that where there’s smoke, there’s a fire. I was so anxious to hear back, I could hardly stand it.

I didn’t receive a reply. Maybe I have finally overstepped my boundaries with Mr. BigStuff? After all, Cruise is Hollywood “royalty” and there are some people out there you just don’t F*&K with.

I was delighted to discover an email from Mr. BigStuff in my inbox just this morning and even more delighted to put the months of speculation to rest. The truth, Tom Cruise is 100%, for sure, unequivocally… {INVALID PAGE ERROR}