The Washington Zoo

Being in Washington is like visiting a zoo. A great place to view wild animals from a safe distance. Everything about this town is geared towards fighting your way up the food chain. Thousands of young people idealistically flock to this town to “make a difference” in the political process. They work insane hours for absolutely no money and little recognition knowing that the likelihood they’ll make it into career politics practically doesn’t exist. These people will stab each other in the front, sleep with whatever necessary, lie, cheat, steal, ruin lives, and yes KILL to inch their way closer to some recognition. There seems to be no real value system in this town. The few that came with em, had them quickly stripped away by the harsh realities of the political system. Nice doesn’t win here. Good doesn’t win here. Only cunning, cut throat, alpha male/ uber bitch, win-at-all-cost personalities prevail in this town.

Many people in our Washington Office migrated from career politics. Their horror stories account for many a dropped mouth and raised eyebrow in the break room. I’m separated by a glass wall from a guy who was Hillary Clinton’s scheduler; he remembers the day she found out about her husbands affair with Monica Lewinski. He “cleared her schedule” and took cover from flying objects. The interesting thing is, he says, she was more upset that it had hit the press than the fact that it happened. I believe him 100%. Politics at its best.

The “what can you do for me” attitude is always prevalent. Conversations begin with “who do you work for” and often end with the delivery of a non working phone number written on the back of a match book. The puffery and self assurance here is mind-boggling. I get a kick out of it, because I know that once you remove the Brooks Brothers wool overcoat, grey suit and flashy tie, all you have left is an Iowa farm boy with a napoleon complex who misses his grandma.

In my desk drawer is a terrorism kit. Gas mask, bottle water, rubber gloves and duct tape. It’s mandatory in all office buildings here on Capitol Hill. I guess a suit of armor to fend off the vicious Hill staffers wouldn’t fit in there.