Irish Aversion.

Ok so it’s St. Patrick’s Day and its Friday. Even as someone who “Hates all things Irish”, given that the holiday is falling on a Friday I will be celebrating. I have been asked to officially join The Capital Club after many years of taking advantage of their parties and events, so I will be throwing down with them at their annual Shamrock Soiree tonight here in DC. A long time friend of mine will be officially inducting me into the membership. Given the clubs reputation, I’m sure it will include some sort of embarrassing frat-boyish tradition that will make for great blackmail material somewhere later in life.

I’ve never coveted the Irish folk. I find Irish guys gross, potty-mouthed, proned to alcoholism and uninteresting. Irish women are nice, but they usually marry Irish guys which makes them unlikable by association. I’ve never wanted to visit Ireland. I don’t like Irish dancing or the music and the I find it a stretch to consider what they eat “food”. Irish cinema is drab and boring. Everything about it seems to be disgruntled and poor. In fact, there’s no export from Ireland that impacts my life in any way whatsoever. I used to like U2 until Bono relocated to Los Angeles and went off the deep end politically.

Surprisingly my mom’s family is Irish and I like most of them. Of course none of them were raised in Ireland or by direct descendants. They spent enough time in the US to realize that life’s not about beer, football and beating people up. Lucky Charms are about the only other Irish-ish thing I like.

I’m sure this will spark a bunch of Irish Hate Mail and ill probably have to check under my car before I start it up next time, but I’m just being honest.