Who's The Boss?

Loved this E-Card I got today for bosses day! Good to see that my ability to source and hire top notch smartasses is still sharp as ever! Loved it!

Thank you!!

Reward This!

Enough with the rewards cards people! Every store I go into now has their own “rewards” card and consumers get bum rushed and sideswiped in the checkout line when you don’t have one or forgot to bring yours along. If had to carry every rewards card I’ve signed up for (or been offered and refused) I would need 2 wallets, a backpack and a paper bag to carry them all.

The worst perpetrators of the “Reward card or die” tactic here in Austin? CVS pharmacy and Randall’s grocery store. I avoid Randall’s altogether now because I don’t have their reward card and you can’t even do a transaction on their POS without either swiping it first or receiving a 10 minute lecture from the cashier on how much money you can save with one. I’ve found that if you quickly cut them off and say “I don’t like to save money”…… they usually shut up right there and proceed with your checkout, only after looking at you like your some asshole elitist.

Maybe I’ll invent a global rewards card that you can go online and register your stores of choice to and flash when you checkout? I’ll take it one step further and allow consumers to globally opt out of receiving the “Would you like to donate a dollar to (insert random children’s charity here)” too.

Now that idea’s got some legs.

Food Frets

Forrest made dinner for me last night. He was visibly nervous when I arrived at his place because he was worried it wouldn’t taste good. So nervous so that he quickly downed a drink before I arrived in hopes of taking the edge off; Cleary a failed attempt. I found it all too cute and extremely familiar. I remember how important it was to stay calm, cool and collected in the early stages of a relationship. Long before I felt comfortable burping out loud and peeing with the bathroom door wide open, I had to be indestructible, unscathed and generally perfect.

Of course his meal was delicious, and I was extremely appreciative of every detail. Down to the lemon wedges cut and arranged on a side plate. Everything about Forrest’s life reminds me of my own when I was in my mid 20’s. There’s something wonderfully familiar about eating dinner at his apartment on stools at the breakfast bar surrounded by books, papers, unopened mail and random pocket change.

I thought I might struggle more with our age difference but I’m completely unfazed by it. Well, almost…he’s never seen Sixteen Candles and that’s just incomprehensible. And un-American if I do say so myself. ;)

At this very moment

I am the happiest I've been in years.



Finally.....

Weather Wars

Whats up with Austin's weather? High of 93 low of 59.... it must be all that carbon those coal plants are dumping into the air....

Just For The Day

Ever wanted to be a lesbian (yeah me neither)...

But just in case... now you can on the L Word's virtual lesbian world. I just picked 12 fights, turkey basted a baby in the bathroom and asked a girl to move in with me before our first date...
You know, typical Lesbian goings-ons.

Check it out:

CLICK HERE

Fool me once.....

An email about the $490,000 AIG execs spent on a corporate retreat at a swanky California resort just days after they got their asses bailed out by the US taxpayers got me thinking about a documentary I saw a while back on the collapse of Enron. Talk about gross corporate negligence. They should all be fired and shunned from their country clubs.


The Smartest Guys in The Room



Also thought about another documentary I saw on the (then) impending credit crisis in America. It'll rip your heart out and piss you off at the same time.


Maxed Out

HUH?

OK so I think the Facebook add on applications may be a little out of control. I just got a "Kidnap Request" from a friend that said:

"You have been kidnap'd to Rio de Janeiro with the Mega Toilet Flush"

Am I just too old to get this or does that sound like some 3rd grade punchline? What is a mega toilet flush? And more importantly, why does it take me to Rio? And finally, is it a good thing? Being flushed down the mega toilet? Or should I be offended that the sender doesnt feel like I could fit in a regular sized toilet? So many questions.. no answers...

Rethinking Facebook participation as I type...

As you were.....

Anatomy of Circumstance

Cray gave me a book called Gay and Single Forever a few weeks back. Not exactly something you thank someone for, but I did peruse its pages and found it to be very interesting. Despite is title, its not designed to embitter or usher its readers into further depths of self pity, it attempts helps make sense of the ridiculousness that is gay dating and relationship cycles. It covers all the basis, the self-loathing, the effects of said self loathing on our quest for love, our often miscalibrated moral compass, selfishness, our 3rd grade dating rituals, insurmountable expectations and little to no tolerance for variation from our “ideals”. The book attempts to explain all of these conditions and it seems like it always comes back to adolescent experience.

Simply explained:
Kid realizes he’s different.
Kid does anything to fit in.
Adolescent years spent in silent desperation.
No adolescent relationships.
Adolescent suffers from discrimination. (directly or indirectly). Deepens wounds.
Kid comes out, starts dating for the first time as an adult.
Adult suffers wounds from childhood, remains emotionally immature
Adult equates sex as acceptance and uses it to heal emotional wounds. A Temporary fix.
Adult is too busy “healing wounds” to hunt for a meaningful companion.
Time flies and suddenly Adult is, in fact, gay and single forever.

Generally, I agree with the books arguments. I can certainly relate to many of those situations. While I do consider myself “relationship oriented”, I have never gone in willingly, often needed to be coerced into it. Something I had just accepted until recently. Until I met FM, whose stirred up something in me I haven’t felt in a long while. We have spent the last 5 nights together and even that doesn’t seem like enough. I’ve decided to just go with it this time and look forward to seeing where I end up.

I hid that book deep in my drawer just in case some of its bitterness tries jump off its pages and sabotage the good thing I have going on here. You can never be too cautious.

Paris, I love you

Forrest brought Paris, Je T’Aime into my life last night and I must say it was fantastic. Not only is Paris my favorite city in the world, because of him, I can now imagine rediscovering it street by street with someone special. As cliché as it sounds, I had a springtime Parisian love affair one extended weekend way back when. We ran around the city in the rain, looked at art, ate stale baggets and swapped life stories before rejoining our distant lives in America. We never saw each other again.

Last night, for the first time in a very long time, while we lay in the bed together watching the film, I stepped outside of myself and looked in on things from above with optimistic excitement. A nice change. Suddenly realizing that I have stumbled upon a very significant someone who, if he keeps up the good work, could finally be the one I’ve been looking for.

Not to mention he speaks French as perfectly as Napoleon and I imagine that will come in handy in Paris someday.

Family Matters

As our trip to Maui comes to an all-too-soon end I m reminded of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family and am extremely grateful that we were able to spend these last 6 days together in this beautiful place. Even though my grandmother claims that this was her swan song, I have a feeling I will see her in another exotic destination or two before it's all said and done. She enjoyed the pina coladas entirely too much.

On the mend in Maui

The backyard

Any questions?

Looks familiar

It finally got a little cooler here in Austin today..the weather is dropping subtle hints of the Fall nearing. While it's nowhere near as distinguished as my East Coast falls were, It still kicks up a little something inside of me.

Recently Ive been mired down with moves, work, upcoming trips and other particulars and as a result i've been accused of not seeing the forest for the trees.

Now, all I see is Forrest. ;)

Possibilities

Its funny how life throws you a bone just when you need it. Amidst all the change happening in my life right now, an introduction stops me in my tracks and commands a slight raised eyebrow.

Oh Please!

So Texas is in the midst of a hurricane feeding frenzy. Through the evacuation headlines and emergency broadcasting, bubbles up snippets of environmental verbal diarrhea that really chaps my fat ass.

One of the cornerstones of climate alarmism is that global warming is causing stronger, more destructive Hurricanes. If you don't believe me, just ask the Global Warmingist-in-Chief Al Gore. Well, in February, the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration issued a press release that should make the Nobel Prize committee demand Gore immediately return his award and their money.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080228074324.htm

I'm so tired of environmentalist using 'convenient untruths' to justify their position on 'environmental terrorism' in the media. Of course they do all this from their computers and telephones that are plugged into electrical outlets that get over 90% their juice from coal an other energy villains. Hows that for irony? I also find that many of these earth warriors have little to no meat (or tofu) to serve me during our dinner table discussions. They spew bumper sticker worthy statements but have little to no facts to back them up. That coupled with their natural body odor is offensive enough to make me leave the discussion behind quickly.

In the end, I guess its fine if these greenies eventually find a way to unplug from our grid, that simply means more power for me to use. (insert evil laughter here)

Raising the bar....

Quite possibly the gayest thing I've heard in ages.



Of course I like it.

High Anxiety

I’m so NOT anxiety attack material but that’s exactly what’s happened to me on numerous occasions over the last month. Pressure from buying a home in a prestigious neighborhood, basically tearing it down to the studs and starting over, working with an architect, appeasing a nosey homeowners association, spending LOTS of money, moving out of my current home into a temporary apartment, putting most of my things in storage, and launching 4 new major campaigns at work has officially pushed me over the psychotic edge. Not to mention that growing older coupled with my obsessions with WebMD has me convinced that im suffering from several types of cancer, a rare stomach parasite, insomnia, Epstein Barr Syndrome and a touch of the typhoid.

You know it’s bad when several hours of Tivo’d Oprah, project runway, top design and Tabatha’s salon makeover can’t even calm you down. It seems like I can’t even drive my car anymore without having a total “I can’t breathe” panic attack at every red light in town. Who is this person? CRAY pushed a Xanax on me at the beach and I must say the “I don’t give a good god damn” vibe it sent throughout my body was a more than welcomed sensation.

I’ve seen my doctor, asked for the Xanax and he’s “thinking it over”. I’m fine with that, as long as he’s fine with having a panic stricken driver moving at a high rate of speed while simultaneously contemplating everything from butler’s pantries to stomach parasites to rich media ad serving costs on the same road as him.

Yeah, it didn’t work on him either….

Hair to the throne

Im a reality TV whore. I love it. I even watch 'Million Dollar Listing' on Bravo featuring Chad Rogers the bullet headed millionaires agent whose comments on the show all seem well rehearsed and oddly composed. Would you let this guy sell your 10 million dollar home? The hair! No matter how many times I see the show, I cant get past the hair!

You think he keeps all his contracts stored up under there for easy access?

DNC APB

My DNC Spywitnesses have reported back already. Photos are pouring into my blackberry and im already jealous as all hell. I hope these media celebs dont blow their party wads before I get to Minneapolis. If I see AC runnng around like they did last night security will need to be in full force.



Needs no Introduction. OMG!!!


Mary "Walk on Sister" Matalin


James "alien" Carville


Luke "So East Coast" Russert