Wordsmithing 101

I found this lead story writeup on CNN a bit odd.... "tasted the flesh"? How about "attacked", bitten, scratched, tickled, anything else...

"Giant panda mauls third victim at Beijing Zoo
Gu Gu, a panda at the Beijing Zoo, has tasted the flesh of an unwitting intruder to his pen for the third time. Zhang Jiao, 28, told CNN he fell into the panda pen Wednesday while trying to catch a small toy thrown by his young son...."

So i've rewritten the story....

Giant Panda bites deserving idiot at Beijing Zoo.
Gu Gu, a panda at the Beijing Zoo attacked an idiot tourist who felt it necessary to sacrifice his life over a small Chinese toy (full of lead) that was thrown into the cage by his unruly child. Zhang Jiao, 28, told CNN he refuses to teach his child a lesson about losing toys and would rather risk his life and limb by leaping into the cage himself to retrieve it. He's optimistic that the 5000 videos taken of the incident by the other Chinese tourist in attendance will make their way onto YouTube and make him an Internet sensation. He hopes to soon join the ranks of other idiot Chinese Internet sensations such as "William Hung" and all time favorite "Tina Chen" .