Disclosure Disagreement

A recent decision in the Canadian courts punished a gay man for purposely not disclosing his HIV status to multiple sexual partners. Thankfully, to date, none of his partners have contracted the virus, but that does not lessen the blatant disregard this man had for these peoples lives. He certainly deserves the jail time he’s received.

HIV is still a very deadly and life altering condition. Very few (if any) people who have it live an uninterrupted life and go on to die of natural causes. The disease takes hold of their bodies at some point and facilitates a multitude of health conditions that often lead to the end. This can take 1 month to 30+ years; you don’t know how or when it will affect you until it does. The medications available today only help manage the disease, they don’t cure it.

I am consistently shocked at how normalized and often ignored HIV status has become in the gay community. It’s as if the pendulum has swung too far. From the days when those infected with the disease demanded to be treated (and rightfully so) like normal citizens to now, where those same people practically ignore their condition and blatantly facilitate the spread of the disease by not being honest (or safe) with their sex partners.

HIV positive individuals have various approaches to dealing with the disclosure of their condition. Many are upfront and honest in their everyday lives about it. Friends, family and even professional acquaintances know about their condition and as a result its somewhat normalized. Others still see it as a scarlet letter and choose not to tell people about it and live under a shroud of secrecy.

A major shift in responsibility has occurred among HIV infected individuals in the last 10 years. Many believe it is ok not to disclose their status if their sex partner doesn’t inquire about it or if they willingly engage in unprotected sex. They have rationalized their irresponsibility to themselves and are perfectly willing to move forward in life consistently putting people’s health at risk. I believe many of them are hurt and angered by their own condition and see no reason to extend a courtesy they themselves were not offered.

To understand this you need to go deep into the psyche of gay population. It goes way beyond knowing the difference between right and wrong. Its about the lives we’ve been forced to lead as “outsiders”, our often uncontrollable selfish human nature and the lack of any binding social/moral/legal/familial contracts to regulate our existences. As a result of all these things, we have become an immature, viscous crowd that is often completely irreverent and oblivious to the common issues and experiences we all share. We spend inordinate amounts of time clawing our way to top of our food chain, securing “pole position” within our desired section of the community and willing to stop at practically nothing to achieve our own personal utopias. This often means destroying our peers along the way by disregarding their basic rights as human beings and rationalizing it all to ourselves in ways that would baffle even the smartest Psychiatrists’ and PhD’s. It’s complicated.

It’s all of these things that allow HIV infected gays to disregard the health and safety of others within their own community. Bottom Line: Engaging in sexual relations without disclosing your status upfront is wrong no matter how you look at it. Yes, everyone has a responsibility to protect themselves but those already infected with this virus are called upon to go above and beyond the normal call-of-duty to help make sure this virus doesn’t continue to spread and help fuel further discrimination and hate towards our community. We have plenty of that already.