Wheres theres smoke....

Senator Craig was investigated in 1982 for inappropriate sexual advances towards Young Senate Pages (yes, boys) and more recently was arrested last week in a bathroom sex scandal where he attempted to solicit sex from an undercover male police officer. He has decided to insult the public's intelligence by denying his interest in men and claiming that is the target of a "witch hunt" in both cases.

The wonderful irony here is his voting record against gay and lesbian initiatives including his support for the defense of marriage act and he voted against a bill that would have outlawed employment discrimination based on sexual orientation, which failed by a single vote in the Senate in 1996.

America loves a good hypocrite.

ED eats corn

Our ED campaign TV spot starts running in Iowa this week. My media machine is purring like a kitten, driving insane traffic to the site. When the Gates and Rockefeller's write your checks, things happen.

EQ's BofA PSA

Thank god Bank Of America is protecting it’s customers accounts and sending out emails to remind them to update their online account information or face account ‘termination’. They even put a link in the email that will take you directly to the account update page so you don’t have to hunt for it on the B of A website. So thoughtful. I immediately put in my account information and updated it so online fraudsters can’t access my account and steal my money. I suggest you do the same when you receive an email like this! Don't let the typos and poor grammar scare you, they were in such a hurry to get this out to their customers they didn't pay attention to detail. The important thing is that you got the email and reply with the appropriate information in a timely manner before online scammers gain access to your account!! You'll get the last laugh!

The cough of 1812

It's 12:30 and I should be in bed fast asleep but im not because im jacked up on sudafed, claratin and some strange cough suppressant in a futile attempt to rid myself of a henus cough I've had for about 2 weeks now. I never get sick, but when I do, I make up for lost time. This just sucks.

I read in my local hometown newspaper that theres been an outbreak of Whooping Cough there recently. Who gets whooping cough anymore? Maybe I could go for a last-century trifecta and add Typhoid fever and a touch of Cholera to my ailment list. Clearly I need some mustard plaster.

Grounded...for now..

In turn for devoting 20+ years of her life to the evolution of hospice care, my mother was honored this past week by the naming of the new wing of the hospice hospital building in her honor. The ‘McQueen Wing’ will stand as a testament to her determination and hard work to build that program into a statewide model and most importantly a pillar of our community. Familiar faces who have graced my family’s past came out of the woodwork to celebrate moms years of service and their kind words didn’t leave a dry eye in the house.

While my mom hated every minute of it, we enjoyed hearing speech after speech about how she has touched peoples lives and transformed the experience of death for so many. While mom has always done her work in the shadows, never inviting or accepting much praise, she was forced to face the music this week as we convened at the very place it all began and finally accepted the recognition that she deserved.

I know she won’t stay ‘retired’ for long. Her innate need to help others will manifest itself in some other form. Until then, she’ll spend her days doing crossword puzzles, folding laundry and watching daytime talk shows like she used to before god handpicked her to do his work here on the ground.

You haven't lived...

Unitl you've been here!

1. Had a conversation with a toothless gentleman about the best way to barbeque a pigeon. He was selling them for $15 a pair.

2. Watched my CEO step in a huge pile of cow shit in his $800 shoes.

3.Ate deep fried pecans covered in cinamon sugar

4.Saw more 'I love Hot Mom's' t-shirts than I thought possible.

5. Found the place where all pleated acid washed denim jean shorts have gone to die.

Louisville Sluggish

I'm in Louisville on a biz trip. I sat through the most agonizing meeting for 8 hours today.

The topic: Coal

Do I really need to ellaborate?

At least I'm living in high style downtown at The Brown. I've been indulging myself with reserve bourbon and Hot Brown's since I arrived.

I wish I could live in a Hotel...

I got misconnected!

So I finally received a missed connection today on Craig’s List. I got several phone calls/emails from friends alerting me to it. Clearly it was staged by someone I know… but whom….? All the usual suspects are denying involvement… Whoever it was, thank you….it made my day!!

When do you become the Asshole?

I was driving to work (late) yesterday and some guy bumped me from behind with his car. It was hard enough to notice but not severe enough to call the police, etc. I hopped out of my car while he sat in his literally pulling his hair like some sort of crack addict.
I looked at my bumper, no dents, just one scratch that measures about 2 inches in length…hardly noticeable. BUT, I notice it, AND it wasn’t there before he hit me AND I want it fixed.

As I looked at the scratch, the perpetrator stayed in his car, pulling his hair and showed no indication of taking official responsibility for it. He leaned out of his window and said “im so sorry. Glad there’s no damage”. Then he said that he was having a really bad day, there was some incoherent babble about a death, etc. The entire time im thinking to myself, but there is damage, there’s a scratch.

Before I go further, I must say something in my defense. All 2005 E-Class Mercedes were still made in Stuttgart. They aren’t the plasticy, Chrystler USA built lower end C-Class models that have interchangeable snap on/off parts. It’s much more expensive to have repairs done on my model and yes even scratches can cost you $1000 to fix.

So I was at this point where I had to make a decision. Do I pull this guy out of his car and get his insurance details over a small scratch at the risk of sounding like some sort of neurotic OCD junkie, or do I just wave at him and say “no problem” and go….So I had to decide if I become the Asshole?

I decided that I wasn’t dressed well enough for the Asshole part and just let it go. Now I have a small scratch on my bumper that no one can see unless I point it out. BUT I know its there and im going to get it fixed. “Gertie” deserves it. She’s been good to me these last 7 months.

This way please Ms. Astor.

My favorite over-the-top NY socialite Brooke Astor died today at 105. In her lifetime she gave away over 200 million dollars to New York cities cultural institutions, held fabulous parties at her 5th avenue penthouse, hung an origional Rembrant over her toilet, and authored one my favorite phrases in the world...

..."Money is like Manure, it needs to be spread around"

.

Walk on Sister!

And....Scene

Merv Griffin died today in Palm Springs. I’m just torn up about it! I would give about anything to go back to 1978 and attend one of his fabulous Palm Springs dinner parties that im sure he threw.

The guest list would include Joan Collins, Dinah Shore, John Davidson, Dianne Carol, Connie Francis, Rip Taylor, Bob Hope, Joan Rivers, Lucy Ball, Paul Lynde and of course Sonny and Cher.

We would start the evening with cocktails by the pool, Kir Royales and Gimlets possibly. On the menu, Steak Dianne served with a twice baked potato; Seasonal salad topped with Green Goddess dressing and Cherries Jubilee for dessert.

After dinner, everyone would gather around the white grand piano in the sunken living room with Brandy Alexander’s and listen to Merv bang out some old standards before we all climbed into our white Cadillac stretch limousines and headed home. Our gift bags would include an advanced copy of Airport 1977 (the Concorde edition), 2 tickets to the Merv Griffin Show and a stainless fondue set for 2.

I would write a thank you note and send it by way of merv ‘executive assistant’ Rico. Of course we would all know who Rico really was, but we would obviously dance around the truth to remain in Merv’s good graces.

I know Merv is in heaven sitting on a pink cloud looking down at all that he created here on earth not once thinking to himself…”what was I wearing?”. I’d imagine his over-the-top mansion in the sky sits next to Liberace’s and competes in gaudiness. That wouldn’t stop me from stopping by and saying hello, hoping he answers the door in a paisley smoking jacket and sporting an ascot. I wouldn’t expect anything less.

Google Answers

I was having an email conversation with a friend of mine who is contemplating a divorvce from his wife. He was asking me if I knew any good lawyers and how much did I think it might cost. Thanks to Google contextual Ad's that pop up along side your emails in gmail I found an answer for him immediatly.

Ads by Google

Texas Divorce
$149/48 hrs Child/property
Seen on CNN- Forms done by professionals-Guaranteed
www.instantdivorces.com

A divorce in 48 Hours? WOW.

DC Delivers.....again

I’ve written about dating in DC before. I met a guy here yesterday and liked him so much I extended my stay another day so we could hang out again. It sure is nice not having to squeeze intelligent conversation out of bartenders, waiters and retail queens at least for a weekend.

He's an architect. He took me on a tour of his favorite buildings in his neighborhood last night at 2 am. He cooked me breakfast this morning. I knew it was love because there were grits on the plate.

We spent the first part of the day at the National Museum of the American Indian ,which is highly recommended , where I learned that all Indians aren't drunks who mismanage gambling revenues. Who knew? We grabbed a sandwich and went to the national gallery sculpture garden fountain and dangled our feet in the water and ate our lunch. The weather couldn't have been better, it finally cooled down to 95 degrees.

I forced Chris to email me a photo so I can use it as a reminder that there are normal, sane, accomplished, well put together gay men out there who appreciate things you cant find find in an Abercrombie catalog or in some bar after 1 am.

I invoke the dating gods to send me a replica of this gentleman in Austin. If that cant be accomplished, please permanently reduce the airfare between Austin and Washington.

Survival of the Cutest

Im in love with Bear Grylls. His show on The Discovery Channel is fascinating...

.........even when he has to drink his own urine....

Judiasm For Sale

I just had a fascinating conversation with a colleague of mine here in DC. He's Jewish and told me that he and his young wife had to pay almost 5,ooo just to join a synagogue here. For high holy days (Rosh HaShana, Yom Kippur, etc) they have to pay MORE money to receive an admission ticket or they'll be turned away.

Can you fucking believe that?

Capitol Flasher

I ran around the Washington Monument tonight as I always do when I'm in DC. I love that run, even when it is still 90 degrees at 8pm. I especially love watching people taking night photos of the monument with their camera Flash on. Like it's going to illuminate the monument anymore than it already is. Most point and shoot camera flashes have an effective flash range of about 10-20 feet. I had to re-route my run towards the Capital Mall because the camera flashes were creating such a strobe effect at the monument that I was seeing spots when I closed my eyes. I think 15 747 jumbo jets full of Asian tourist must have landed today, they were creepy-crawling everywhere and god knows they angle in for some photo ops, flash and all.

Missed Connections

Periodically I place bullshit missed connection ads on Craigslist for sport. For those of you who don’t know what a “missed connection ad” is, they are semi-personal ads placed by people who almost met someone they were interested in. Typically no exchange of words took place and often the “connection” is one sided. Nonetheless, at least one party is interested in meeting the other, and they live with high hopes that the objects of their affection will read their ad, realize it’s the ad is for them and then respond in kind. So yes, basically these should be renamed “Fear Of Rejection” Ads.

While my friends and I all openly chastise the people who actually place these ads for real, we all secretly visit the missed connection section everyday to see if someone’s left one for us. I recently dreamed up the following ad after a conversation with CR about what officially constitutes a “missed connection”. There seems to be some confusion among the posting public as to what a “missed connection” actually is. The general consensus is that both parties must acknowledge each other with extended eye contact, a suddle nod or some other quasi-action of endearment. There is also a circumference parameter that must be met, but this can vary depending on whether or not binoculars are present at both ends.

So I tested the waters, wrote a ridiculously vague and impossible ad and posted it yesterday.

Here it is:

(click to enlarge)

I'll have you know, to date I have recieved 12 responses to that ad from people who were driving on I35 yesterday and want to connect. Yes, so very sad but true. To the publics credit I recieved about as many clever BS responses from people who got the joke, but im still in shock and awe that there are that many desperados out there who would seriously respond to that.

Heres my next one.. if someone answers this im gonna have to arrange an in person consultation.

Hamas Haute Couture

I actually saw woman in one of these in Cancun last Christmas. Her nasty abusive mid eastern husband was barking orders at her at the pool, making her go get him drinks over and over while she baked in the 100+ degree heat in a BLACK head to toe lycra burqua. Of course he had on a speedo which made him look like a gorilla in a diaper. I thinkwe should send Gloria Allred over there, see what she can straighten out before her head gets chopped off during prime time on Al Jazeera.

Hungry Shopping

Don't ever go to the grocery store when you're hungry. I did just that yesterday and came home with over $100 worth of items, none of which could be combined in any way to make a proper meal. The problem is, you think of things you want to make as you browse the aisles and you start to collect items for that meal but you're so hungry that by the time you reach the next aisle you forget about the previous meal you were buying for and move on to something else as equally tantalizing. By the time you reach the checkout, you've got 1/3 of the items you need for 4 or 5 different meals that have nothing to do with each other. It's frustrating as hell when you finally get home and realize you've done nothing to feed yourself. That's when you start getting creative with the condiments in your refrigerator door and whatever you have lingering in your pantry. Last night's creation, Spaghetti noodles with salsa and capers. I'm now calling it Fiesta Spaghetti con caper. And yes, it's as disgusting as it sounds..but slightly less so when your stomach is literally eating itself from hunger. Next on deck.... Ketchup-Basil soup with stale Tortilla crudites or maybe a nice braised pepporoni stick with an olive oil/watery mustard demiglaze.

Some items I bought:

A personal-sized watermelon, Hush Puppy Mix, Ginger Salad Dressing, Dill weed, Pepperoni, Lime-Aid, Tomatillos, Rondele Cheese and a People Magazine.

From Dignified to Debaucherous in Record Time

Bottle of Marques de Caceres 2003 Rioja = 20.00

Smoked Salmon and nibbly things= 25.00

The look on ones face when they wake up 3 deep in a double bed with vague memories of gratis liquor shots and sleezy introductions = PRICELESS

ED-U-CATE

We have submitted 3 taped questions to ABC news for this weekends televised republican presidential debate. They have all made it to the final round.

Check them out and rate them. The highest rated will be braodcast for the candidates during the debate and George Stephanopoulos will promt them all to answer it.

Question 1
Question 2
Question 3

You cant complain if you don't get involved!

It's official.

Ok im just gonna say say it......

Asian women can not drive.

Hate mail commence...

Whole Headache

I am sitting in my office right now eating brown rice sushi with organic soy sauce..I really HATE the fact that Whole Foods is the nearest place for me to quickly grab some lunch. Not only did I just drop 30 bucks for 3 items.. I just spent 20 minutes hunting for a parking space in their way-too-small parking lot and I missed an important phone call as a result.

I cant wait for Wal-Mart to open their natural foods stores. Not only will the prices be 50-75% cheaper, it'll be fun watching trailer trash contemplate tofu and gluten free products.

It's Kashi Y'all...

Financial Full Circle

They've recently opened a Wachovia Bank by my house here in Austin. Having grown up in NC (where Wachovia started) Im always reminded of home when I drive by it. My first checking account was at Wachovia. I remember going down to the "big" branch downtown and opening it the summer before I left for school. I guess the bank and my dad didn't do a great job of explaining how checking accounts actually work; I thought that if you had checks in your checkbook then you had money in your account to cover them. I wrote checks all day long, and my dad would be called to the bank to deposit more money into the account to cover them. Needless to say, Wachovia itself held an interesting stake in my father and I's relationship for many years.

I've been through many banking iterations since leaving Wachovia in 1997. NationsBank, Bank of America, Compass, Digital Federal Credit Union...and Monday I decided to go back to where it all started and moved everything back to Wachovia. When my check card arrived in the mail today it was kinda like a classy letter from home...Welcoming me back to the south as I know it.

Checks and Balances

Who the hell still writes checks in a grocery store and why? Just use your damn debit card. Please don’t counter me with some bullshit “I like to keep a record” response. You can still keep a record of your spending when you use your debit card. Just write down the amount in a ledger when you use it (just like you do with checks). Not to mention it virtually erases the posibilty of a bounced or returned check. I demand answers from the check writing public.

I lived in a third world country last year and EVERYONE there used debit cards. Checks were non-existent. People in Europe and Asia are using their cell phones to pay for things now.. Just point it at a drink machine or train ticket dispenser and the funds are automatically taken out of your checking account. Why are Americans so behind on the electronic payment phenomenon?

Way over the top

I decided yesterday that we needed to stay in the Coco Chanel Suite at the Ritz in Paris for our Thanksgiving trip. Not only is it where she lived for 13 years of her life, it's the room where Princess Diana was staying when she was killed 10 years ago. I inquired about pricing..at 9,000 euros a night (thats 12,375 usd), It's clearly not a viable option. During Fashion week in Paris, the rooms cost skyrockets to 20,000 euros a night.

I bet Coco and Brooke Astor had tea on the veranda there numerous times. Fabulousness cup overfloweth.