Im all about effeciency so when it came time to tell all my friends about my recent breakup with Mr. Man, I decided to do it discreetly with a Press Release. I sent this out today to eveyone I know. The fact that I recieved more "congratulations" rather than "condolences" speaks volumes, dont you think?Names have bene changed to protect the guilty.
For Immediate Release:
ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD COUPLE CALLS IT QUITS!
After 5 years of a committed, non-legally recognized relationship, Jason M and Mr. Man have divorced themselves from the agonizing, unexpressive, socially awkward situation that bound them together for so long.
Austin Texas, June 28 2005: Like “Bennifer” and “Branjelina”, Jason M and Mr. Man's dwindling relationship came to a crashing halt recently among rumors that they were both pursuing separate lives in different areas of the country. Mr. Man will not be joining Jason in Austin TX as previously planned and has decided to permanently reside in Atlanta where he will continue on his “orange smocked” path to greatness with The Home Depot Corporation. Mr. Man has also inked a multi-million dollar deal with Hoover Vacuums to promote the “fun vacuum”, which was modeled after his ability to suck the fun out of any atmosphere on earth at record speed. Despite being diagnosed as a social retard, there is also high speculation that Mr. Man has already started dating someone else In Atlanta.
Jason M will continue to spread his fabulousness in Austin TX and around the world as he embarks on his highly anticipated Re-Invention tour this summer. With multiple stops across the globe, the tour will promote sexual liberty and freedom from bad, uninteresting, terribly executed relationships that make you throw up in your mouth 3 to 4 times a day. Jason has recently signed a ‘Movie of the Week’ deal with Lifetime television and is in negotiations with several major publishers for book deals. Jason looks forward to being single, fabulous and free from the chains of a dysfunctional relationship that sucked him into a vortex of constant disappointment and boredom.
E! Entertainment television will air a special on Friday night entitled “Jason and Mr. Man” from Bad to Worse” and the Food networks Paula Deen will feature Jason on an upcoming episode of her popular cooking show where she will prepare her famous dish called ‘Revenge’’ which is best served cold.
